Lotions and Potions - What is in Kelvin's Head?

Avon Skin So Soft – applied earlier in the week to prevent midge bites. It attracts them.

Apaisyl – French antihistamine, probably 3 years old. Result – ineffective.

Hc45 Cream – Cooling and soothing. Partial success.

TCut – needed to polish out the scratch on the car caused by nudging the back gate at the Cathedral.

Cetirizine Hydrochloride – supposedly non-drowsy antihistamine tablets. Don’t make me drowsy. Don’t do anything else to me.

Cat Hairball Linctus – Apply to paws (hers or mine), she gets to lick it off. Partial success.

Jo Mallone Cologne – applied to soothe midge bites earlier in the week. No effect on midge bites but got more attention than usual in local shop, therefore partial success.

Holy Water from the Shrine at Knock – apply to cat, car or self. Works every time.

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9 responses to “Lotions and Potions”

Anonymous

28/07/2006

Relief from insect bites

Try witch hazel

Reply
David Campbell

28/07/2006

Holy Water
I always go for the holy water from the Shrine of our Lady at Carfin, Kelvin – works a treat and supports the local economy.

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Anonymous

28/07/2006

Carfin vs Knock

I am unsure whether Fr David is suggesting that the Carfin brand has greater efficacy or that Motherwell has a greater need of inward investment. Do they charge for the Carfin water? They certainly don’t in Knock.

More details needed.

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Sarah

28/07/2006

More a potion than a lotion
I suggest more alcohol to be taken internally (several times a day). It won’t cure anything but you really won’t care!

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Anonymous

29/07/2006

Midge Deterents
The obvious solution to deter the midges is to have your own personal thurible. No need to apply lotions and potions.

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Mark

29/07/2006

We found out about Skin So Soft a few years back, quite by accident!

Reply
Roddy Neilson

31/07/2006

MIDGE BITES

Might I suggest the following:

To prevent midge bites- any insectiside that contains at least 20% DEET. You don’t want a lotion that makes the midge think that you smell unpleasant, you want one that makes it think its brains are melting. Alternatively, start smoking a pipe.

To sort midge bites – Methylated spirit will take the sting out and is cheaper than eau de cologne. To take the swelling out try 1% hydrocortisone cream which is available without prescription.

Sedation – If you can’t sleep due to the itching drink at least half a bottle of Chateau Batailley 1995. It works for me every time.

Reply
Chris

13/08/2006

Skin so soft
Skin so soft is famous for deterring ticks rather than midges. You need a Midge Eater – for sale in Dunoon. For obvious reasons …..

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Phil

04/09/2006

Hi Kelvin

Skin So Soft is THE answer for midges; don’t rub it into the skin, just spray it on. It works better than any other remedy. We also have a Midge Eater machine which we’ve run now for 3 seasons. I remain to be convinced of its efficacy and it costs ?20 a month during the midge season. At their worst nothing works.

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9 responses to “Lotions and Potions”

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