Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.
- The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
- There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
- The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
- The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
- The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
- Black shoes were worn throughout.
Apart from the outbreak of throat-blessings, I noticed none of this, despite being about three yards from it. Had the Shoes been other than black, however, I’d have spotted them from a mile away. #pedantalert.
Proof positive that some time spent in a good liturgical finishing school early in a clerical career pays dividends later on.
I don’t know why but the phrase ‘flailing jellyfish’ has made me laugh so much that I nearly had an accident. We’ve all done it and now it will be made worse by thinking of that phrase each time. Thank you.
“Provost turns into a flailing jellyfish”? It’s like an episode of Dr Who! Blue Book instead of blue Tardis but otherwise….
And it’s claimed that I’m ‘special’!!
i got a good chuckle out of this. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Sounds par for the course at our Sunday 1030 masses… such events and little mishaps keep us all on our toes. And, of course, invariably performed with due reverence, and in the best possible taste….!