What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

21 responses to “Are there any gay friendly Episcopal churches in Edinburgh?”

Ryan

20/08/2011

Didn’t a wise man once say that all clergy are camp ;-)?

Although the wedding show photo does feature hot *female* models! It’s the sort of thing one might find in nuts or zoo (er, one would imagine) 😉

Reply
1. kelvin
  
  20/08/2011
  
  OK.OK, I’m no more camp than any other member of the clergy who finds themselves dressed head to toe in gold on a catwalk with glamorous models.
  
  That’s not very camp, is it?
  
  Reply
fr dougal

20/08/2011

Jargon explanation: “spikey” V. High Church. Incense, liturgical precision and stuff like Mass & Benediction etc.
“boat boy” – small human being often male who carries the vessel with the incense grains in it.
“camp” – default position of many Scots clergy, especially the spikey one’s:-)

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fr dougal

20/08/2011

Re the class thing: Spikey Mikes has welcomed me in spite of my going to Beath High! Mind you, we do count a Nobel prize winner, a former Scottish Rugby international and the odd MP promoted to the Lord’s amongst our FP’s so…

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Robin

21/08/2011

At St Columba’s this morning there was the usual welcome printed in bold on the front of the service sheet:

“We believe God affirms all regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, background or ethnicity and we welcome any who wish to worship and share Communion with us. We welcome and support LGBT people, affirm their lives and ministries, and celebrate their relationships.”

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Ryan

21/08/2011

Ooh, we don’t get that at St.Silas! 😉

Reply