Cats and Cucumbers (unrelated)

There was a cat at the Daily Office this morning. I’m not sure how to record this in the service book. It was black and white, and for a moment, I thought that perhaps Miss Matilda had followed me down Great Western Road.

Cats are religious, but not generally Christian, in my view. Unlike dogs.

Meanwhile, in the salad department, can anyone explain cucumbers to me? You go and look for a cucumber, the better to enhance your tasty salad and find that you can buy a whole cucumber for such an amount of money or half a cucumber for just a few pennies less. I don’t think that I can remember ever finishing a whole cucumber in my life. Is this part of a New Labour plot to make us all couple up? Can they not breed them smaller? (The cucumbers I mean, pay attention). Is this just an aspect of the partnered hegemony through which single people find themselves wandering as though through a foreign land?

The fact that I found later that I had made and consumed my tasty salad (sprouted beans, cherry tomatos, chopped spring onions and diced plums) without including any of the whole cucumber that I had purchased did nothing to placate me on this point.

Should I lie in the bath with it on my eyes, perhaps? 


  1. I think it’s a conspiracy: the supermarkets are hiding the fact that they quantum-tunnel out of one’s fridge whilst ripe, returning only when seriously past it. (Similar to single-socks and washing-machines.)

  2. Anonymous says

    Cucumbers & Socks (mostly unrelated)
    Its not just me then?

    Do single socks need an online dating agency? (Probably one of those internet ideas that someone else could make a lot of money from).

  3. Anonymous says

    Eyes and Cucumbers
    … and for the avoidance of doubt, I meant putting the cucumber on my eyes in the bath, not the cat.

  4. Moyra says

    Single Socks – all unrelated

    There is always, which might be an alternetive to a dating agency….

    As far as I am concerned, most fruit and veg are in some kind of consiracy to lurk in strange corners of the fridge until in some dire state of un-eatableness.

  5. Anonymous says

    Oh, and the dressing…
    … oh yes, the dressing was cider vinegar, posh Greek cloudy olive oil and a soup?on of french mustard. Thank you for asking.

  6. Anonymous says

    The cedilla & the sedilia (unrelated also)
    And yes, I’m rather proud of putting that cedilla in the middle of the soup?on.

    I’m quite pleased with getting the sedilia back into the cathedral, but that is another matter altogether.

  7. cucumbers
    I say buy the whole one anyway. It’s a tasty snack–provided your cucumber IS tasty…

    How do you figure cats are religion? (Not that I disagree with you)

  8. Anonymous says

    Cats and Religion
    I figure that cats are religious because they enjoy worship so much. I figure that cats are not Christian because they only really enjoy worship if it is they themselves being worshipped.

  9. Anonymous says

    Cucumbers (and other salad items)
    Forgot to mention it to you this morning, although the Sacristan did mention the topic.

    Why not grow cucumbers in your window next year. A grow bag on a stand in the window (do you have a bay window?) with a cucumber plant, a tomato plant and a pepper plant will start your salad production. With a tray there is also lettuce.

    AngelKirstin has detailed in her cookery blog – – salad for quite a few meals.

  10. Oh; I’ve never seen a religious cat…
    but our cat is certainly very musical, as she loves us singing. 🙂

  11. Anonymous says

    Windowsill Salad
    Stewart, I think you perhaps underestimate the similarity between a cucumber plant and a cat toy.

    Mark, just try singing the psalms, you will soon find out whether or not the cat is religious.

  12. Anonymous says

    pointless vegetables
    I tend to avoid cucumbers which are pointless, tasteless, annoying things. Courgettes are much better, cheaper and come individually and in small sizes!

    BTW, is one’s feline getting above herself – “Miss Matilda” – now that her significant other has been promoted??!!

  13. Anonymous says

    Window Sill Salads
    Thinking about it, a tray of seedlings (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers) could be mistaken by Tilly as a substitute litter tray.

    So the small plants may not even get to be a cat toy.

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