Right, here’s the plan!

Friends, Glaswegians, Fellow Countrymen, the voters of Glasgow Kelvin have spoken.

To the astonishment of almost all the rest of the country, Glasgow Kelvin has voted a resounding YES to the Alternative Vote referendum. Today is the day for decisive action  to build on the electoral courage, strength and self determination shown by the Kelvin People. Our course is clear. Glasgow Kelvin must immediately make a Unilateral Declaration of Independence.

Here’s the Plan! Barracades all around the boundaries of the Constituency by dawn tomorrow. Declaration of the new Liberal People’s Republic of Glasgow Kelvin at noon from the steps of Kelvingrove Art Gallery Parliament Building.

The following policies to be enacted forthwith:

  • All elections to be conducted by our revolutionary Alternative Vote system.
  • The establishment of a Glorious Mass of Liberation to be Celebrated Annually if a suitable Cathedral can be chosen using the same Alternative Vote system.
  • All Tenement Factors to be subject to Alternative Vote election monthly.

The search is now on for a Glorious Leader. Nominations are now open for the post of Emperor Democratically Elected Leader of the Liberal People’s Republic of Glasgow Kelvin.

Now, who would be most suitable for a post with such a title?


  1. lol! when I first read that I thought there was a full stop between the first sentence’s Kelvin and Glasgow ;). Inspiring speech, although some of it does smack of the following fellow (who does, similarly, have fabulous taste in robes) 😉

  2. Zebadee says

    Regarding the ‘declaration’ which must be made I remember a lovely American lady student giving a similar performance on the end of the pier at St Andrews. Could it be possible that the same person, if she can be found, could be asked to give a repeat performance at Kelvingrove?

  3. fr dougal says

    Actually, the not terribly democratic but tastefully decorated Autocephalous Patriachate of Edinburgh Central also voted yes – perhaps a twinning is in order?

  4. We shall exchange ambassadors and see whether it is possible to set up trade delegation visits.

    However this will be difficult to achieve as it is widely known that the distance from Edinburgh to Glasgow is considerably greater than the distance from Glasgow to Edinburgh.

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