What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

5 responses to “Predictions for 2020”

Meg Rosenfeld

01/01/2020

As an American of the Democratic persuasion, I hope you’re right about the upcoming presidential election . . . and fear that you’re right about the division of the country. Having gay friends who are devout Roman Catholics, I desperately hope you’re right about the Roman church becoming more supportive of LGBT folks. And I guess we can only keep praying about Equal Marriage in the Church of England. Probably it’s just a good idea to keep praying, eh?!

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Rosemary Hannah

01/01/2020

I think 6 is a certainty. I hope 8 isn’t. I think Starmer is the better choice.

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Robert McLean

01/01/2020

Re No. 5, what is COP?

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1. Kelvin
  
  03/01/2020
  
  COP is the Conference of the Parties which will be held in Glasgow this year. It is the largest international conference on Climate Change at which governments and many other organisations are present.
  
  Reply
Chris

02/01/2020

I find myself wondering which reason will lie behind 1 – because a referendum won’t be called, or because people will still, for some reason, think it’s a good idea to hang on to Westminster rule. And I agree with 6 and with Rosemary about Starmer – who would seem to have emerged as the front runner.

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