What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

11 responses to “Evensong (with Dragons)”

Cal

20/06/2011

I always remember being told that the final “smoke” in the Stainer is meant to be the loudest note in Anglican choral music. I have no idea how that can possibly be qualified, and of course there are so many variables, but I still like to believe it’s true.

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1. kelvin
  
  20/06/2011
  
  Thanks Duncan – http://www.kjv-only.com/unicorn.html has a list of them for those interested.
  
  Cal – was thinking about you just the other day. I bet you’d know how to do deploy glitter canons for Corpus Christi.
  
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duncan

20/06/2011

I love the fact that the unicorn appears in the KJV bible about ten times. Who said scripture doesn’t contain mythic elements!

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Cal

20/06/2011

Fluttter ‘fetti has long been overlooked in the liturgy, I feel. I suspect you’d have to bribe your servers to sweep it up though – least favourite job.

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Martin Ritchie

20/06/2011

The loudness of “smoke” probably depends on the choir singing it! I bet St Mary’s give it a good thump! 😉

On the subject of dragons…….we have some stylised ones hidden away in our Daniel Cottier stained glass at Pilrig St Paul’s in Edinburgh. I didn’t notice them for over three years despite having spent ages taking photographs of the windows. Cunningly hidden as I’m sure all dragons are!

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1. kelvin
  
  20/06/2011
  
  The smoke was certainly wonderfully loud last night.
  
  I see that Freda has new dragons, though they don’t seem particularly well hidden.
  
  Cal – I hope very much that the skills that you are currently building up are at some time and in some place offered unto the Lord in the facilitation of the most holy, most glorious and most magnificent liturgy.
  
  [Lesson learned from typing this comment – do not muddle up dragons and dragoons]
  
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Brother David

20/06/2011

[May] the Holy and Blessed Trinity to protect us from religion that is dull or humorless.

AMEN!

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Rosemary Hannah

20/06/2011

Now Kelvin, you must have read my story of St Michael, and you know, perfectly well, that actually the great archangel is dragon-formed. THe horrid prodder with the lance is actually Lucifer.

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ryan

20/06/2011

Sounds fabulous. Impressed that you weren’t tempted to rename it EvenDrag!

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Agatha

20/06/2011

What if your Dyson isn’t in D? Mine is probably more A below middle C.

I also like the idea of you all singing (a la The Clash) “I saw the Lord and the Lord won”.

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PamB

23/06/2011

@Cal – I heard that too, but got pooh-poohed when I remarked upon it. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
@Martin – St Mary’s choir do not thump. Lean upon, emphasise, give weight to, but never thump. Nor, for the psalmody aficionados out there, do they gabble.

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