What is in Kelvin's Head?

Predictions for 2014

01/01/2014
1. Remember those people who used to say, “But what is a blog…?” Well this year you are going to be hearing them say, “But what is a mooc…?”
2. Gay men are going to start shaving again. Now that so many straight men have bought into the idea that beards are hip, it is time to mess with their fashion sense again. Consider this the memo. (Next year, the end of tattoos!)
3. Church of Scotland General Assembly will be unable to affirm last year’s compromise on a local option for ministers who happen to be gay.
4. More revelations relating to Cardinal Keith Patrick O’Brien.
5. Number of active bloggers decreases. Influence of those still blogging increases.
6. The real purpose of the Pilling Report will be revealed with hindsight as evangelicals begin to argue about its contents. (May take a couple of years, but trust me on this one). Initially this will be in private – increasingly in public. Having been the great unifying factor for Evangelicals for the last 10 years, attitudes to gay people will become the source of greatest disunity amongst Evangelicals for the next decade. Unappealing and unsatisfying as it is, Pilling is a watershed – it was never designed to court liberal opinion so we might as well stop moaning about it. It was designed to divide evangelical opinion and is going to be jolly successful.
7. The Independence Referendum will be lost here in Scotland but alas, not by enough to shut everyone up.
8. Such terrible statistics in the Diocese of Glasgow and Galloway that we lose at least 4 seats on General Synod.
9. Lord Carey will say that Christians are being persecuted in the UK, that the church is dying out or that the sky is going to fall in, and will say it at the most unhelpful time possible – probably around one of the English General Synods or Easter.
10. We will hear about our first UK gay divorce.
Trends to watch
- Continued meltdown of the Church of Scotland. Ceasing to be a national church before our very eyes.
- Internet increasingly rewards those who know how to manipulate images.
- Economic polarization of the UK continues.
New Year Predictions

11 responses to “Evensong (with Dragons)”

Cal

20/06/2011

I always remember being told that the final “smoke” in the Stainer is meant to be the loudest note in Anglican choral music. I have no idea how that can possibly be qualified, and of course there are so many variables, but I still like to believe it’s true.

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1. kelvin
  
  20/06/2011
  
  Thanks Duncan – http://www.kjv-only.com/unicorn.html has a list of them for those interested.
  
  Cal – was thinking about you just the other day. I bet you’d know how to do deploy glitter canons for Corpus Christi.
  
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duncan

20/06/2011

I love the fact that the unicorn appears in the KJV bible about ten times. Who said scripture doesn’t contain mythic elements!

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Cal

20/06/2011

Fluttter ‘fetti has long been overlooked in the liturgy, I feel. I suspect you’d have to bribe your servers to sweep it up though – least favourite job.

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Martin Ritchie

20/06/2011

The loudness of “smoke” probably depends on the choir singing it! I bet St Mary’s give it a good thump! 😉

On the subject of dragons…….we have some stylised ones hidden away in our Daniel Cottier stained glass at Pilrig St Paul’s in Edinburgh. I didn’t notice them for over three years despite having spent ages taking photographs of the windows. Cunningly hidden as I’m sure all dragons are!

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1. kelvin
  
  20/06/2011
  
  The smoke was certainly wonderfully loud last night.
  
  I see that Freda has new dragons, though they don’t seem particularly well hidden.
  
  Cal – I hope very much that the skills that you are currently building up are at some time and in some place offered unto the Lord in the facilitation of the most holy, most glorious and most magnificent liturgy.
  
  [Lesson learned from typing this comment – do not muddle up dragons and dragoons]
  
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Brother David

20/06/2011

[May] the Holy and Blessed Trinity to protect us from religion that is dull or humorless.

AMEN!

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Rosemary Hannah

20/06/2011

Now Kelvin, you must have read my story of St Michael, and you know, perfectly well, that actually the great archangel is dragon-formed. THe horrid prodder with the lance is actually Lucifer.

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ryan

20/06/2011

Sounds fabulous. Impressed that you weren’t tempted to rename it EvenDrag!

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Agatha

20/06/2011

What if your Dyson isn’t in D? Mine is probably more A below middle C.

I also like the idea of you all singing (a la The Clash) “I saw the Lord and the Lord won”.

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PamB

23/06/2011

@Cal – I heard that too, but got pooh-poohed when I remarked upon it. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
@Martin – St Mary’s choir do not thump. Lean upon, emphasise, give weight to, but never thump. Nor, for the psalmody aficionados out there, do they gabble.

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