What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Liturgical news

    Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.

    • The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
    • There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
    • The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
    • The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
    • The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
    • Black shoes were worn throughout.

11 responses to “Evensong (with Dragons)”

  1. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    I always remember being told that the final “smoke” in the Stainer is meant to be the loudest note in Anglican choral music. I have no idea how that can possibly be qualified, and of course there are so many variables, but I still like to believe it’s true.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Thanks Duncan – http://www.kjv-only.com/unicorn.html has a list of them for those interested.

      Cal – was thinking about you just the other day. I bet you’d know how to do deploy glitter canons for Corpus Christi.

      Reply
  2. duncan Avatar
    duncan

    I love the fact that the unicorn appears in the KJV bible about ten times. Who said scripture doesn’t contain mythic elements!

    Reply
  3. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    Fluttter ‘fetti has long been overlooked in the liturgy, I feel. I suspect you’d have to bribe your servers to sweep it up though – least favourite job.

    Reply
  4. Martin Ritchie Avatar
    Martin Ritchie

    The loudness of “smoke” probably depends on the choir singing it! I bet St Mary’s give it a good thump! 😉

    On the subject of dragons…….we have some stylised ones hidden away in our Daniel Cottier stained glass at Pilrig St Paul’s in Edinburgh. I didn’t notice them for over three years despite having spent ages taking photographs of the windows. Cunningly hidden as I’m sure all dragons are!

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      The smoke was certainly wonderfully loud last night.

      I see that Freda has new dragons, though they don’t seem particularly well hidden.

      Cal – I hope very much that the skills that you are currently building up are at some time and in some place offered unto the Lord in the facilitation of the most holy, most glorious and most magnificent liturgy.

      [Lesson learned from typing this comment – do not muddle up dragons and dragoons]

      Reply
  5. Brother David Avatar
    Brother David

    [May] the Holy and Blessed Trinity to protect us from religion that is dull or humorless.

    AMEN!

    Reply
  6. Rosemary Hannah Avatar
    Rosemary Hannah

    Now Kelvin, you must have read my story of St Michael, and you know, perfectly well, that actually the great archangel is dragon-formed. THe horrid prodder with the lance is actually Lucifer.

    Reply
  7. ryan Avatar
    ryan

    Sounds fabulous. Impressed that you weren’t tempted to rename it EvenDrag!

    Reply
  8. Agatha Avatar
    Agatha

    What if your Dyson isn’t in D? Mine is probably more A below middle C.

    I also like the idea of you all singing (a la The Clash) “I saw the Lord and the Lord won”.

    Reply
  9. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    @Cal – I heard that too, but got pooh-poohed when I remarked upon it. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
    @Martin – St Mary’s choir do not thump. Lean upon, emphasise, give weight to, but never thump. Nor, for the psalmody aficionados out there, do they gabble.

    Reply

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