What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

5 responses to “To Castle Douglas”

  1. Stewart Avatar
    Stewart

    With out looking at a map I can think of three:

    Belfast;
    The Cathedral of The Isles, Millport; and
    Carlisle.

    I am not sure if there are others, the next two which are probably further than Glasgow are Newcastle and St Mary’s Edinburgh

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      No, I don’t think so, Stewart. Partly right and partly wrong.

      Reply
  2. Andrew Swift Avatar
    Andrew Swift

    Greetings from Cowal & Bute.

    Carlisle Cathedral must be closest to Castle Douglas.

    I suspect that St German in Peel, diocese of Sodor & Man, is next closest as the seagull flies – the radio reception from the Isle of Man is extraordinarily clear down there.

    Cathedral of the Isles on Great Cumbrae and Glasgow – pretty similar I would have thought, Calmac notwithstanding. Your poor horse would need waterwings to get over there, and your gaiters would have to fully waterproof.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      I’ve travelled from the Isle of Man to Kirkcudbright, but in a yacht. Without the horse.

      Reply
  3. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    As the crow flies, I suspect that both Newcastle and Durham are closer than Glasgow. Of course, in practical terms, the Irish Sea does rather get in the way. Having spent four weeks living somewhere that is not quite so far south as Castle Douglas and yet still does not get BBC Radio Scotland, this wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

    St Mary’s is closer than the Cathedral of the Isles, but only by about a mile and a half.

    Reply

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