What is in Kelvin's Head?

Arrived home to find the cat worshipping the washing machine.

The machine was almost at the end of its spin cycle. The juddering had cause the cat-food bag, which I had left o­n the top, to tip up. The dry cat food had emptied itself all over the top of the washing machine and was being vibrated furiously. From time to time a single bean of food would drop from the top o­nto the floor to be met by an adoring cat.

In between the nibbles of manna from o­n high, she was sitting gazing, for all the world as though she was at Benediction.

Oh dear. I fell over in the street again. “Arrrgh” was the cry as my feet slipped on a thick layer of black ice in the middle of Stirling. It would appear that this came from window cleaners’ water. No bones broken, but a sore back. I was picked up by young people and traffic wardens as though I was an old lady.