What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Liturgical news

    Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.

    • The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
    • There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
    • The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
    • The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
    • The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
    • Black shoes were worn throughout.

5 responses to “Silly headline”

  1. Zebadee Avatar
    Zebadee

    The BBC and certain ‘academics’ are only about three hundred years behind the times. Of course the tune IS still being used today to sing this wonderful carol. We only wish that we could be in St Marys on Christmas Day to sing it with you.

    Reply
  2. Elizabeth Avatar
    Elizabeth

    I remember being very confused the first time I heard the carol sung to a tune that wasn’t On Ilkla’ Moor, and thinking that they did things rather oddly on this charming island.

    Reply
  3. Tim Avatar
    Tim

    Well, congratulations to them for actually having had the balls to talk to an academic, if not the brains to make much of the story. That’s half a step up from the bulk of modern journalism.

    Form the article: He said carols – many of which have folk roots –

    Actually, *all* carols have to be a mediaeval (round) dance tune, otherwise they’re merely Christmas hymns (cf Away in a Manger only dating from around 1885). Natch.

    Reply
  4. chris Avatar
    chris

    The Ilkla’ Moor tune has also been sung in the Cathedral of The Isles, in recent years.

    Reply
  5. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    of course it has – and in many a place of good taste.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • Sermon – 19 December 2004

    Nearly forgot to post this: At the darkest point in the year, the days are short, the nights are long. At the darkest point of the year, we celebrate the dream of a righteous man. At this point in the year we remember Joseph?s dream, a dream which an angel invaded and said: ?Joseph, do…

  • Christmas Card

    I've just received a Christmas Card from the Provost of Stirling.It was addressed thus:Mr & Mr Kelvin HoldsworthC/o Methodist ChurchBridge of AllanStirlingHe seems to know more about me than I know myself.

  • O Oriens

    O dawn of the East, brightness of light eternal, and Sun of Justice: come, and enlighten those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death. Amen. Faith happens in the East – no question. Encountering God in the East is as unsettling as it is revealing. The Eastern context is utterly unlike my…

  • O Clavis David

    O key of David, and Sceptre of the House of Israel, who opens and no o­ne shuts, who shuts and no o­ne opens: come, and bring forth the captive from his prison, he who sits in darkness and in the shadow of death. Amen.Opening the prisons and setting free the captives – our God is…