What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

7 responses to “75 questions for people who want to help churches to grow”

Richard Ashby

22/09/2017

Kevin, that’s very interesting set of questions. Can I shamelessly steal some for something I am working on in Chichester? Thanks

Reply
1. Kelvin
  
  22/09/2017
  
  Feel free to share – please give a link to the website where appropriate.
  
  Reply
Alan McCulloch

22/09/2017

Very thought provoking set of questions applicable in large part to many walks of life as well as the Church.

Reply
Richard Haggis

22/09/2017

I should like to share it with my Baptist masters in Oxford if that would be OK. We’re in process of deciding who we are, before starting to look for a new minister to work with and lead us.

Reply
1. Kelvin
  
  22/09/2017
  
  Of course.
  
  Reply
Markus Dünzkofer

22/09/2017

76. What role does Jesus play in your preaching/formation/proclamation?
77. Can you wrap your reasons for going to your church into a joyful and inviting “elevator speach” (a speech taking the amount of time you need to ride a lift/elevator)?
78. Do you know what your neighbourhood is looking for, what its needs and desires as much as its joys and hopes are?
79. What would you miss if your church would close? Would you neighbourhood miss you?
80. How does your church get its “hands dirty” with creating a just society and preserving creation?
81. Do you undergird all you do with prayer and worship?
82. Do you willingly and joyfully give of your time, talent, and treasure to your church?
83. What role does discussing your own resources play in the formation of your church? (Stewardship)
84. Do you share details you spiritual and church life joyfully with friends and neighbours?
85. Do you share the concerns and worries of your friends and family with the responsible people in your congregation?
86. Are there church events happening outside your buildings?
87. Are children neither seen, nor heard; seen, but not heard; or seen and heard?
88. Do you pray for growth?
89. Do you pray for your city and neighbourhood?
90. What role does the cross play in your identity and formation?

Reply
1. Kelvin
  
  27/09/2017
  
  It seems to me that people can help churches grow with the most varied theological presumptions. I’m not convinced that any particular one leads inevitably to growth.
  
  Reply