What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

8 responses to “Taking Children to Church”

Kimberly

13/01/2009

gosh, they’ve converted you.

Your father must have been overflowing with joy.

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Lay clerk

13/01/2009

Thinking of having some of your own Kelvin? Maybe a bit of a lifestyle change?

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Stewart

13/01/2009

Kneeling on kneelers is easy. It is during Evensong when your head starts to drop and combined with the warmth that there is a tendency to drop off.

Never that I would drop off during one of your sermons!

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kelvin

13/01/2009

Using kneelers which are wobbling around on a footrest is trickier than for people who find themselves too small to also be able to half perch on the pew at the same time.

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Melissa Holloway

13/01/2009

At St. Mary’s we have the starfish, the boat, and the snake to find. And no need to count the crosses every week, some weeks we count the lillies. (The question is, do you get bonus points for Shona?)

Waiting to see the bread be broken is important, because if you are not careful, you may miss it.

I wouldn’t discount sleeping, either. When you feel welcome and warm, adults who love you lend you their coats for cushions, and the music fills your senses. I think it must be spiritual.

The best, though, is when the bells are ringing. Who is the first to hear them?

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Zebadee

14/01/2009

Taking children to Church–oh yes. To quotes the words of Jesus somewhat out of context, but possibly not ” You are not far from the Kingdom of God”. Or is this actually the KofG?

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gail

14/01/2009

So glad for you, your nephews and your Dad that your 3 generations got the chance to share this very very special experience. I hope you will make every effort to let such moments happen again and again. You all deserve it !
Lay Clerk was evidently having a ‘bah humbug’ moment.
I would say that such moments are a very great joy and a priviledge – especially for those of us who do not have a regular daily contact with children. Godchildren (and nephews/ neices if available) are certainly gifted by The Almighty, reveal the most unexpected of perspectives, and give such love and trust. We have much to learn from them. Praise be !

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Moyra

14/01/2009

I love the chance to take my godchildren to church! We all get so much from the experience.

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