What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Jesus – the Angry Religious Man

    Here’s what I said in the pulpit yesterday for Lent 3

    Sermon preached by Kelvin Holdsworth on 8 March 2015 from St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow on Vimeo.

    The door opened. That door at the back, with its annoying squeak. And I looked up and immediately I was afraid.

    I saw someone come in and knew that I needed to do something and do it quickly.

    I checked the clock and took off my headphones.

    Either I needed to shout at everyone to evacuate the building or I had to try to do something myself.

    I looked around and decided to walk forward and try to distract him and see what happened.

    We were about to do a Radio Broadcast. A live radio broadcast and the clock was, well, not ticking because things like that need to be silent when we are recording, but the clock was moving inexorably towards 8.10 and the moment when the red light would go on and I would say, “Good morning and welcome to St Mary’s Cathedral in the City of Glasgow, a city that is still in shock.”

    It was the day after the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport. Transport systems were in a mess. The airport was completely locked down and roads were closed all over the place. People couldn’t fly into Scotland. There was transport chaos and the police still didn’t know how many other people were at large who intended harm.

    And that door right there opened right before an advertised liver broadcast and someone unexpected came in. Someone whom I didn’t know.

    And in that instant I saw a stereotype walk into the cathedral. He was young and rather swarthy looking. I later discovered that he was indeed just back from Libya and he looked like it.

    A thin white scarf around him. Khaki camouflage clothes. And a backpack.

    It was the backpack that worried me most as I walked towards him.

    Hello I said, welcome to St Mary’s.

    These are the words that I use when I think someone is about to blow me and the cathedral up.

    Hello, welcome to St Mary’s.

    Hello, he said.

    There was a pause as I looked him up and down and he did the same to me.

    Do you mind telling me, I asked – do you mind telling me what’s in the backpack. (more…)

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8 responses to “Deck the hair…”

  1. (fabulous for an alleged evangelical) ryan Avatar
    (fabulous for an alleged evangelical) ryan

    Out of interest, is there a proper churchy rule or convention on the right time for Christmas trees to go up? Don’t know if the grumpiness in your post is personal or praepostorial

    Reply
  2. Kimberly Avatar
    Kimberly

    A properly churchy time for the Christmas tree to go up is at Chrismas. i.e. after the fourth Sunday of Advent and in time for the Midnight Mass.

    Grumpiness about Christmas in October is natural and appropriate, surely.

    Reply
  3. Anne Avatar
    Anne

    On a sliding scale of grumpiness which is worse, harumph or bah humbug?[PS M and S had hot cross buns in their bakery today]

    Reply
  4. ChickPea Avatar
    ChickPea

    Ah, Kelvin…….. I wonder, is there a link between the demoralising ‘Facebook’ notices bewailed in your last post and your enticing sentiments expressed in this ?

    Perhaps you need to create a little sunshine to tempt them – a little progressive development of the fly-fishing technique, the swish and flick of the wrist, the fleeting glimpse of temptation just enough in sight to, er, arouse interest……

    Maybe your own bedecked seasonal tree (call it an ‘Advent Tree’ to thwart the Christmas Tree Traditionalists – thereby launching yourself as a trend-setter) – such tree selected and styled with eagerness in longing anticipation of future festivities……..

    (You could call it ‘forward planning par excellence’, even, to gain bonus brownie points and thwart critics)…..

    Then, perchance, the ‘Facebook Fanatics’ may clamour to, er, beat a path to your door ?

    (Tho……. more to the point……. would you honestly be wanting them to ?……….is that really where Everyman finds his bosom buddies ?)

    PS. Put your dazzling Advent Tree prominently in your window and WE’ll all come round so’s you’re not lonely – how’s that for a Gloom-Buster to tweak the morale, eh ?

    Reply
  5. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    I think that facebook is just another meeting place and similar patterns of community seem to play out there though sometimes at a faster rate than in face to face communication. Certainly, the flirting, fighting and flummery as well as thoughtful the slow conversation that I recognise from off-line communication, is all present there too.

    Would I want to entice those who would be enticed by early Christmas trees, albeit dressed up in another name.

    I’d rather not.

    [BTW Anne – three Harumphs certainly trump a single Bah Humbug]

    Reply
  6. Rev Ruth Avatar
    Rev Ruth

    I think it is just attention seeking.

    Reply
  7. ryan Avatar
    ryan

    Your new hair looks lovely incidently. Am sure you’re turning heads at that clergy conference.

    Reply
  8. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Ryan, your faith in my hair is almost unbearably touching. At this clergy conference, however, it was trumped by the hair of the Rector of St Margaret’s, Newlands.

    He came to the conference whilst his hair did not, his having been shaved completely bald the day before.

    Reply

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