What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • 10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

    Public service announcement.

    The following opinions are all correct.

    1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
    2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
      • Acceptable tunes shall include:
        • Liverpool
        • Glasgow
        • Lyngham
        • Old Foster
        • Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
        • Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
    3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
    4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
    5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
    6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
      • Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
    7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
    8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
    9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
    10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.

    Thank you for your attention.

3 responses to “Thuribles of the week”

  1. Stewart Avatar
    Stewart

    The comments by JN1034 are very interesting especially considering the practice I observed in Hong Kong – see http://bonnyton.fotopic.net/p39681149.html

    Reply
  2. JN1034 Avatar
    JN1034

    V Rev Kelvin Holdsworth, dear sibling in Christ: Thank you for bestowing upon us your esteemed Theological Thurible Award, albeit we’re far from worthy. Though we’re overcome by surprise of your kindness and gratitude, we hope that which we caused you to ponder are good things, all to the glory of the Triune One and of God’s gods. Considering that censing is a multi-millennia-old religious convention, we’ve a deep appreciation of thuribles in our shared traditions, and for their practical mystical expressions in the daily lives of the faithful. Censing marks our homes and families, our weeks and years, our lives and hearts, our Church and God. Censing is a constant element of our histories imprinting a sensual memory of the life of the whole incarnate Church, both at home and in our parishes. When we smell it in our local parishes, our olfactory senses read the aroma as homemade; everything connects; nothing in our world seems detached from God and from us; we transcend spacetime and the universe is one at that fragrant ephemeral instant. And if we smell incense in another’s home, or at a different parish, it all comes together as an unified moment, and we are home wherever we are. We pray God continues to bless you with grace and mercy as you lead your community at St Mary’s Cathedral. Remember us in your prayers. Yours in the shared service of Christ our Lord, JN1034+++

    Reply
  3. Kirstin Avatar
    Kirstin

    Angels and thuribles, that reminds me, I have a rescue to plan. I wonder if my daughter left any camouflage paint!

    Reply

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