• Jesus – the Angry Religious Man

    Here’s what I said in the pulpit yesterday for Lent 3

    Sermon preached by Kelvin Holdsworth on 8 March 2015 from St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow on Vimeo.

    The door opened. That door at the back, with its annoying squeak. And I looked up and immediately I was afraid.

    I saw someone come in and knew that I needed to do something and do it quickly.

    I checked the clock and took off my headphones.

    Either I needed to shout at everyone to evacuate the building or I had to try to do something myself.

    I looked around and decided to walk forward and try to distract him and see what happened.

    We were about to do a Radio Broadcast. A live radio broadcast and the clock was, well, not ticking because things like that need to be silent when we are recording, but the clock was moving inexorably towards 8.10 and the moment when the red light would go on and I would say, “Good morning and welcome to St Mary’s Cathedral in the City of Glasgow, a city that is still in shock.”

    It was the day after the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport. Transport systems were in a mess. The airport was completely locked down and roads were closed all over the place. People couldn’t fly into Scotland. There was transport chaos and the police still didn’t know how many other people were at large who intended harm.

    And that door right there opened right before an advertised liver broadcast and someone unexpected came in. Someone whom I didn’t know.

    And in that instant I saw a stereotype walk into the cathedral. He was young and rather swarthy looking. I later discovered that he was indeed just back from Libya and he looked like it.

    A thin white scarf around him. Khaki camouflage clothes. And a backpack.

    It was the backpack that worried me most as I walked towards him.

    Hello I said, welcome to St Mary’s.

    These are the words that I use when I think someone is about to blow me and the cathedral up.

    Hello, welcome to St Mary’s.

    Hello, he said.

    There was a pause as I looked him up and down and he did the same to me.

    Do you mind telling me, I asked – do you mind telling me what’s in the backpack. (more…)

7 responses to “Solstice”

  1. Kimberly Avatar

    Blue woad, Kelvin.

    (perhaps with a dash of white wine vinegar?)

    And it is not the virgin per se that is sacrificed.

  2. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Ah, now I see what he really wanted the vinegar for.

    Keep those suggestions coming.

  3. chris Avatar

    Naked, with sprigs of bog myrtle ( to keep away the midges). We did same in Edinburgh Botanics – lovely calm evening, affronted heron (too many people at bedtime) – and nae midges!

  4. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Chris, the image of you naked in the Edinburgh Bots complete with affronted heron will stay with me for quite a while. Glad you enjoyed it, but no idea how you got away with it.

  5. asphodeline Avatar
    asphodeline

    I love Solstice. Broomstick, wand and something warming to drink!! Naked isn’t so good when there are midges about of course 🙂

  6. chris Avatar

    I realised what I’d said just after hitting ‘post’ – but glad it went through. We aim to amuse …

  7. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    I think that Canon 17b in the Cof E requires Deans to go to Stonehenge on 2ist June. Having fought a running battle with the local constabulary, they then recite the ‘Quinque Vult’ and there is a retiring collection for the Bishop of Salisbury. Then all face west and exchange the Peace with hippies etc before wishing them well on their journey to Glastonbury for the real liturgy of the year.
    Kelvin , your penance in the rain and the presentation of wine-vinegar to the stranger means that the Summer Solstice will now be commemorated as St Kelvins’ Day – assuming the Faith and Order Board approve.

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