What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Predictions for 2014

    1. Remember those people who used to say, “But what is a blog…?” Well this year you are going to be hearing them say, “But what is a mooc…?”
    2. Gay men are going to start shaving again. Now that so many straight men have bought into the idea that beards are hip, it is time to mess with their fashion sense again. Consider this the memo. (Next year, the end of tattoos!)
    3. Church of Scotland General Assembly will be unable to affirm last year’s compromise on a local option for ministers who happen to be gay.
    4. More revelations relating to Cardinal Keith Patrick O’Brien.
    5. Number of active bloggers decreases. Influence of those still blogging increases.
    6. The real purpose of the Pilling Report will be revealed with hindsight as evangelicals begin to argue about its contents. (May take a couple of years, but trust me on this one). Initially this will be in private – increasingly in public. Having been the great unifying factor for Evangelicals for the last 10 years, attitudes to gay people will become the source of greatest disunity amongst Evangelicals for the next decade. Unappealing and unsatisfying as it is, Pilling is a watershed – it was never designed to court liberal opinion so we might as well stop moaning about it. It was designed to divide evangelical opinion and is going to be jolly successful.
    7. The Independence Referendum will be lost here in Scotland but alas, not by enough to shut everyone up.
    8. Such terrible statistics in the Diocese of Glasgow and Galloway that we lose at least 4 seats on General Synod.
    9. Lord Carey will say that Christians are being persecuted in the UK, that the church is dying out or that the sky is going to fall in, and will say it at the most unhelpful time possible – probably around one of the English General Synods or Easter.
    10. We will hear about our first UK gay divorce.

    Trends to watch

    • Continued meltdown of the Church of Scotland. Ceasing to be a national church before our very eyes.
    • Internet increasingly rewards those who know how to manipulate images.
    • Economic polarization of the UK continues.

6 responses to “Tales of the City”

  1. Kimberly Avatar
    Kimberly

    Your move next, then.

    Can I suggest a bottle of spirit vinegar in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other? He should soon realize that the windows are not nearly as discerning as his neighbor.

    Reply
  2. Rev Ruth Avatar
    Rev Ruth

    I reckon he’s been watching too much Kim & Aggie. You watch, he’ll be back for lemon juice next. Altho Lord knows what he’ll be wearing if that’s what he wears for cleaning windows.

    Reply
  3. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Fortunately, I’ve plenty of lemon juice to offer him if he comes back. Though if he had been watching Kim and Aggie, would he not have been attired in rubber gloves with feather trim? Did he remove them before coming upstairs? (If so, he should not have bothered).

    When I think about it, the fact that I live in the land of 24 hour vinegar emporia makes this little episode all the more strange.

    The presumption of commenters above is that this is the start of something. I had thought myself that this was a relationship that had been formed, blossomed and was completed within the space of the dialogue reported, but perhaps I am wrong.

    Reply
  4. Roddy Avatar
    Roddy

    You know you’re in the West End of Glasgow when the residents clean their windows with wine vinegar…

    Reply
  5. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Thanks for the social commentary Roddy. Perhaps I should have offered him balsamic. I never thought at the time.

    There have been soap-operas and novels made out of less promising material than this.

    Reply
  6. Avatar
    Anonymous

    this is so much better than the nescafe gold blend ads. looking forward to the next episode!

    Reply

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