What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

8 responses to “Bah”

vicky

15/02/2007

Kelvin
This calls for Chicken stew (with lots of garlic, ginger and sweetcorn). If you’re too sick to make it – let me know and I’ll sort out a delivery for Sunday.

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Stewart

15/02/2007

….surely this should be followed by “Humbug”

You can also suck one help sooth your throat.

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Raspberry Rabbit

16/02/2007

A mixture of honey, lemon juice and ground ginger – mix it up thick like a syrup. Don’t scrimp on the ginger.

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David

16/02/2007

I know Kelvin, but not about what potions to take, only that it has taken me about 10 days to get fully better from the same thing! Sorry to bring such good news!

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Andrew

16/02/2007

I recommend a large hot toddy made with honey, lemon juice and plenty of whisky. It doesn’t do you any good but it makes you feel better!

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Roddy

16/02/2007

The malt whisky and floating hat cure works best of all.

You go to bed, put a hat on the bedpost at the foot of the bed and drink the whisky until the hat starts floating around the room…

I often feel a hangover is better than a cold as you’ve done something you enjoy to deserve it

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PamB

16/02/2007

Does a floating biretta have the same effect?

(Don’t tell me – only when it’s snowing)

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Moyra

17/02/2007

Well, if it’s the same bug I’m convinced I caught whilst in Glasgow at the end of last month, you have my deepest sympathy.

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