• Trolleys are for Supermarkets

    I had a lovely morning today conducting a funeral service. Oh, I know lots of people don’t get that this can be satisfying but to me I can’t really think of a more lovely way of spending a morning than committing someone who has died at a great age into the love of God. The fact that the person who had died had in large part lived to make the world more beautiful only made it more lovely.

    I was struck by a brief conversation with the undertaker before the service went in. This wasn’t a busy funeral – the person who had died had outlived most of those who might once have come to celebrate her life. As the coffin was being taken out of the hearse, I was surprised to see three members of the undertaker’s staff join him in lifting the coffin onto their shoulders.

    “Oh, you don’t use a trolley?” I asked in surprise.

    The answer that I got was wonderful –

    “No, Mr Holdsworth, trolleys are for supermarkets, we always carry the coffin in”.

    I cannot tell you how pleased I was to hear this.

    So many funerals seem to involve a squeaky and undignified trolley. I even have to insist sometimes that the coffin is lifted onto proper tressels during the funeral itself. There’s many a person in the funeral business who would leave a coffin on the trolley throughout.

    Am I alone in thinking that there’s not much dignity in a coffin on wheels?

    I know there will be exceptions where a trolley is necessary and I guess that, in an industry that has seen costs soaring, it is going to cost more if one has to pay the pallbearers but I do prefer a coffin to be carried into church rather than pushed.

    At some crematoria where I’ve officiated the presumption is so much in favour of wheels that a kind of roll-on, roll-off trolley has become an integral part of the proceedings.

    We don’t talk that much about death, though there are some valiant attempts to get us to do so. There’s the death café movement that gathers people to talk about death and I seem to remember an initiative in the Church of England called Grave Talk which was an attempt to build up a conversation.

    I know that any undertakers will arrange for pallbearers to carry a coffin in properly if you ask them. That’s what undertakers do – they undertake to make the arrangements for you. I’m someone who mourns the transformation of undertakers into “funeral directors” – the very term seems to imply that the business knows better than either the celebrant who has probably got a bit of experience on how to do things properly, the relatives (who may, if they are feeling particular grief may well feel better for being involved in the funeral planning and service) and indeed the wishes of the person who has died if they did  the sensible thing and left instructions.

    The joy today was finding a company which just don’t normally use a trolley as policy. It is a small thing but an important one.

    Funeral trolleys always remind me of the wobbly nave altar in St Ninian’s Cathedral in Perth, which itself always looked as though it had been purloined from a hospital porter.

    Now where did undertakers’ trolleys come from? And why do people put up with them?

    They are hideous. Always hideous.

    No. No. Away ye trolley-bearers.

    And congratulations to Sim and Son for their trolley-free policy.

    (I’m happy to link to any other undertakers in the West of Scotland who never use a trolley)

8 responses to “Bah”

  1. vicky Avatar
    vicky

    Kelvin
    This calls for Chicken stew (with lots of garlic, ginger and sweetcorn). If you’re too sick to make it – let me know and I’ll sort out a delivery for Sunday.

  2. Stewart Avatar

    ….surely this should be followed by “Humbug”

    You can also suck one help sooth your throat.

  3. Raspberry Rabbit Avatar

    A mixture of honey, lemon juice and ground ginger – mix it up thick like a syrup. Don’t scrimp on the ginger.

  4. David Avatar

    I know Kelvin, but not about what potions to take, only that it has taken me about 10 days to get fully better from the same thing! Sorry to bring such good news!

  5. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    I recommend a large hot toddy made with honey, lemon juice and plenty of whisky. It doesn’t do you any good but it makes you feel better!

  6. Roddy Avatar
    Roddy

    The malt whisky and floating hat cure works best of all.

    You go to bed, put a hat on the bedpost at the foot of the bed and drink the whisky until the hat starts floating around the room…

    I often feel a hangover is better than a cold as you’ve done something you enjoy to deserve it

  7. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    Does a floating biretta have the same effect?

    (Don’t tell me – only when it’s snowing)

  8. Moyra Avatar
    Moyra

    Well, if it’s the same bug I’m convinced I caught whilst in Glasgow at the end of last month, you have my deepest sympathy.

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