• 10 Thoughts on the Blessing of Asparagus

    It seems that Worcester Cathedral recently had a service for the blessing of asparagus.

    As this is a matter that might be seen to have consequences for the wider Anglican Communion, I thought I’d offer a few thoughts.

    1. There can be no justification for blessing asparagus as asparagus is never mentioned positively in the bible. There is simply no biblical case for blessing asparagus. None at all. If God had wanted asparagus to be blessed, then surely Jesus would have blessed asparagus at the last supper. (1 Corinthians 15:3)
    2. In fact, we know that asparagus should not be blessed because Genesis says so. “In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, [asparagus] and Abel for his part brought of the firstlings of his flock, their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard.”  (Genesis 4: 3-4). You can’t pick and choose what the bible says. God’s holy word is clear and lasts forever.
    3. The blessing of asparagus promotes and validates the asparagus lifestyle. How will the church as a whole be able to maintain moral standards in one part of the world if asparagus is blessed in another? (Matthew 5:48)
    4. If we start blessing asparagus then it automatically follows that people will demand blessings for other kinds of vegetables. Although one might not personally object to the blessing of asparagus, one must take into account where this might lead. God will not be faithful to those who bless asparagus. (Amos 5:14)
    5. It would be entirely acceptable to offer a Thanksgiving for the Picking of Asparagus provided there are no rings used to hold the asparagus and any blessing must be upon the asparagus pickers and not the asparagus itself. (Ezekiel 44:30). The blessing of asparagus itself is sinful.
    6. The Archbishops have issued the following statement: “No asparagus is a problem, or an issue. Asparagus is made in the image of God. All of the asparagus, without exception, is loved and called in Christ. There are no ‘problems’, there is simply asparagus. (Romans 8:28) However, in order to maintain the unity of the church, it remains the case that asparagus blessings fall outside of that which is permitted for clergy of the Church of England following the last agreed Lambeth Conference statement on the matter. Clergy should continue to explore the maximum freedom possible when encountering asparagus whilst remaining within current guidelines. (Philippians 4:5)
    7. It remains the case that we all strive towards good disagreement (Philippians 4:2) about asparagus blessings whilst forbidding entirely the actual blessing of asparagus
    8. You cannot serve God and asparagus. The love of asparagus is the root of all evil. Do not associate with other eaters of asparagus. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
    9. There is an additional argument against the blessing of asparagus which stems from tradition. There should be no blessings of asparagus until the major churches who have the apostolic succession make an agreed statement on asparagus. This might be achieved in the form of an Ecumenical Asparagus Council of the Church however there remains some disagreement about who has the authority to call such a Council. (1 Corinthians 11:2)
    10. Always remember that God loves asparagus and that there have been some fine and courageous examples of self-giving asparagus throughout history. Many people are able to testify that some of their best friends have even eaten [unblessed] asparagus. So long as the church exercises gracious restraint in blessing asparagus, it will be possible for people to hear about the unique gifts that asparagus brings to the world. It may even be that God has a purpose for asparagus. (Exodus 9:16)

    the offering of the asparagus

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4 responses to “Retreat”

  1. Carole Avatar
    Carole

    Retreat
    Interesting choice of theme for the Advent retreat.
    Mary Magdelen was of course know to be an energetic, implusive and caring woman. Quite a dream really.

    Unusual combination of food stuffs lentils and banana, anyway.

  2.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Retreat

    Just struck by the coincidence that you and I were on retreat at the same time.  While you were considering the place of Mary Magdalene I was being led to listen more deeply to my dreams.  Through a process of table fellowship and sharing I came to find much meaning in what seemed like a completely random collection of items which regularly arise during the silent hours of the night:  medical pots; gas masks; military apparel; a purple stole; a half-mauled rabbit; a friendly ghost and a bottle of single malt.  I was really appreciative of my fellow retreatants one of whom, realising it was my first time, was very gentle with me and showed me the ropes.  The other, the slightly more talkative of the two, showed a persistent yet Liberal interest in delving deeper into my darkest recesses to see what might come up. If your retreat was anything like as rich as mine you should have enough to chew upon for a very long time, Kelvin.  Thanks for reading this anyway.

  3.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Another dream
    I don’t know what that retreat started but since posting that last message I have had yet another dream.  In this latest one there were two soldiers carrying a sofa up a glen!!! What on earth does that tell me.  Any offers of help most gratefully accepted.

  4. Saph Avatar
    Saph

    Another dream
    As a person of quite mature years, let me share with you my thoughts on your dream.
    I see the soliders with their uniforms as a sign of discipline – perhaps you are searching for someone to take you in hand and put more structure in your life. The sofa to me represents comfort and familiarity maybe this is what you are searching for but combined with the rugged landscape of the glen are prepared to take the rough with the smooth. Sometimes our dreams are like a humane mouse trap, we are lured in with the promise of something nice to taste but in the end we are trapped and at the mercy of someone elses hand to release us back into the wild.

    I hope this has been of some help to you. Thank you for taking the time to read the ramblings of an old woman anyway.

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