What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Liturgical news

    Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.

    • The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
    • There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
    • The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
    • The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
    • The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
    • Black shoes were worn throughout.

2 responses to “Hearse Victory”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Hearse Victory
    Surely where the money is coming from is irrelevant if it is being used wastefully!  Wasteful is wastful no matter what the source and, in this case, as a cyclist, I would say they have definitely got it wrong.  Is this a surprise to anyone?

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Hearse Victory
    Actually, for all my arm waving, I'm not opposed to the cycle route being done in Keir street. I've been campaigning about the junction at Keir Street/Melville Place for 2 years now and this project means that the junction will get the attention that it needs. Whether that is paid for from a cycling budget or from wherever, does not really matter.

    We are also getting a mini-roundabout at the junction of Keir Street and Henderson Street, which will calm the traffic coming into the village – something which people have said that they want.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • Sermon – 19 December 2004

    Nearly forgot to post this: At the darkest point in the year, the days are short, the nights are long. At the darkest point of the year, we celebrate the dream of a righteous man. At this point in the year we remember Joseph?s dream, a dream which an angel invaded and said: ?Joseph, do…

  • Christmas Card

    I've just received a Christmas Card from the Provost of Stirling.It was addressed thus:Mr & Mr Kelvin HoldsworthC/o Methodist ChurchBridge of AllanStirlingHe seems to know more about me than I know myself.

  • O Oriens

    O dawn of the East, brightness of light eternal, and Sun of Justice: come, and enlighten those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death. Amen. Faith happens in the East – no question. Encountering God in the East is as unsettling as it is revealing. The Eastern context is utterly unlike my…

  • O Clavis David

    O key of David, and Sceptre of the House of Israel, who opens and no o­ne shuts, who shuts and no o­ne opens: come, and bring forth the captive from his prison, he who sits in darkness and in the shadow of death. Amen.Opening the prisons and setting free the captives – our God is…