What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • 25 More Questions for people who want to make their churches grow

    A lot of people seem to have been sharing my 25 Questions for people who want to make their churches grow on social media.

    So, here’s 25 more…

    1. If you didn’t have to go to your church on Sunday would you still go?
    2. Are the clergy happy?
    3. Are the musicians happy?
    4. Does the congregation have a stronger ethos than that of its denomination?
    5. What one thing could you change this week to make the worship better?
    6. Why didn’t you make that change last week?
    7. What steps are you taking to make the phrase “All are Welcome” come true?
    8. Do you do church business on a Sunday after church or is there a better time for that?
    9. In the next month are you more likely to spend time on ecumenical activities or church growth activities?
    10. Do people who leave become ex-members who have disappeared or do they still contribute to the life and ministry of the place?
    11. What is the noticeboard like?
    12. What is the first thing you see when you come through the door?
    13. Did you implement the recommendations of the last “mystery worshipper” you asked to give you a candid assessment?
    14. Which church events in the next six months will be newsworthy locally?
    15. Which church events in the next six months will be reported in the local media?
    16. Do you have enough staff and who decides this?
    17. What would your clergy really like to do that they can’t because of the laity?
    18. What would your laity really like to do that they can’t because of the clergy?
    19. Which would attract young families more – a bible-based week long summer activity for children or letting it be known that gay people are welcome in your church?
    20. Can you email those members of your congregation who want to receive regular updates?
    21. Do you email those members of your congregatio who want to receve regular updates?
    22. Has someone done the work required to make sure emails sent to large numbers of people don’t end up in spam boxes?
    23. Who in the congregation has gifts that could be better used doing a different job in the congregation than what they are currently doing?
    24. Who is your volunteer co-ordinator and is it obvious how to contact them?
    25. Can you volunteer without being a member of the church?

4 responses to “Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    Argh!

    Latest update.

    I seem to be living in a parallel universe. I have been captured by plumbing aliens and have been taken to planet plumber. Either that or I am the living embodiment of a plumber’s online adventure game.

    The latest is that there is a crack in the hot water tank between the heating coil and the tank containing domestic hot water. Thus the tank needs to be changed. No useable hot water until this is done next week.

    This means showers instead of baths. (When will I get to think?). Boiling washing up water. No use of the washing machine. Fortunately I still have the dishwasher, which comes off the cold water supply and also the heating, so the house is not cold.

    However it appears that most of next week will be spent waiting for plumbers as well.

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    Easy solution.  Do what I do –  take your washing to your mother!

    Sorted!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    How I am supposed to be a mystic visionary with all this going on?
    *politely puts hand up*
    Um, aren’t mystic visionaries supposed to go without certain creature comforts in order to have such visions???? This will surely help, no?
    Alternatively, you could give up hot water for Lent.

    Reply
  4. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    Well, I don’t find it particularly difficult to imagine St Anthony making his way to the desert wadi looking for clear water, finding only muddy guck and crying: “How I am supposed to be a mystic visionary with all this going on?”

    Reply

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