What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • The 10 Commandments of Using Images on Church Websites

    old camera photograph1 – Thou shalt remember that a burning candle is not the only image of all that is holy and all that is true.

    2 – Thou shalt not put the vulnerable at risk by revealing their identity and location.

    3 – Thou shalt remember when using pictures of people that the Lord thy God made them in great and glorious diversity.

    4 – Thou shalt not waste bandwidth and so shall learn how to reduce the size of thy photographs tenfold, fiftyfold or even a hundredfold.

    5 – Thou shalt not use photographs of church meetings to illustrate the life of the church for to believe that the meetings of the church represent the life and joy that the Lord thy God brings unto thee is to have heard and believed the lies of the Evil One.

    6 – Thou shalt not use photographs of groups of people where half the people have their backs unto the camera.

    7 – Thou shalt not include more than one photograph of the bishop (or the moderator, the pope or the Lord High Executioner of Titipu) standing around in robes next to other people standing around in robes.

    8 – Thou shalt love thy neighbour’s photographs as thine own, by setting up a Flickr group for them to post their images to so that you have a greater range of photographs to use on thy church website.

    9 – Thou shalt respect the copyright of every image that thou shalt use and give credit where it is due.

    10 – Thou shalt change thine images once in a while for to worship one image alone is not merely idolatry but risks the masses believing that the house of the Lord thy God is dull. And dullness is the sin against the Holy Ghost whereof many have spoken.

    Photo Credit: Afonso Lima of Brazil

    If you’ve any further commandments – do chip in with them in the comments.  “Why just 10?” as Moses said as he staggered down the mountain…

    , ,

4 responses to “Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    Argh!

    Latest update.

    I seem to be living in a parallel universe. I have been captured by plumbing aliens and have been taken to planet plumber. Either that or I am the living embodiment of a plumber’s online adventure game.

    The latest is that there is a crack in the hot water tank between the heating coil and the tank containing domestic hot water. Thus the tank needs to be changed. No useable hot water until this is done next week.

    This means showers instead of baths. (When will I get to think?). Boiling washing up water. No use of the washing machine. Fortunately I still have the dishwasher, which comes off the cold water supply and also the heating, so the house is not cold.

    However it appears that most of next week will be spent waiting for plumbers as well.

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    Easy solution.  Do what I do –  take your washing to your mother!

    Sorted!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    How I am supposed to be a mystic visionary with all this going on?
    *politely puts hand up*
    Um, aren’t mystic visionaries supposed to go without certain creature comforts in order to have such visions???? This will surely help, no?
    Alternatively, you could give up hot water for Lent.

    Reply
  4. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Will no-one rid me of this turbulent plumber?
    Well, I don’t find it particularly difficult to imagine St Anthony making his way to the desert wadi looking for clear water, finding only muddy guck and crying: “How I am supposed to be a mystic visionary with all this going on?”

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • A Pebble

    A pebble came home with me yesterday. I spent part of the morning watching waves throwing up stones onto concrete sea defences. The power of the waves turning water to foam and the roar of the shingle in the undertow were mesmerising.A single pebble now sits o­n my desk. Khaki in colour, it is divided in two…

  • Sermon – 9 January 2005

    I was walking through Tescos in Alloa this week when I encountered two women who had just met for the first time since new year. One hollered to the other: ?A good Christmas then?? and the reply came, ?Aye!? They got a bit closer. ?A Good New Year then?? The reply was the same, ?Aye!?…

  • Jerry Springer the Opera

    Well, I'm looking forward to the BBC screening Jerry Springer the Opera o­n Saturday evening at 1000.Having missed it at the National and then missed it again when I was last in London, I feared that I had missed it altogether. So, delighted to get the chance now.

  • Organ Safari

    Off to listen to organs today, one in Cramond, the other in Greenock. Not a terribly convenient journey, however it will be useful to be able to compare two instruments from two different companies on the same day. There are worse ways to spend a day.