What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

36 responses to “A Question about Marriage and the Bible – can you help”

  1. Father David Avatar
    Father David

    If Dan Brown, rather than the New Testament is to be believed then, how about, Jesus and Mary of Magdala? Or, to be more Orthodox – Jesus and His Bride – the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church?

    Reply
    1. Kelvin Avatar
      Kelvin

      I think we are now being silly.

      Reply
  2. Father David Avatar
    Father David

    Not at all silly if you take seriously the Revelation of St. John the Divine and the penitential season of Advent. “Wake, O Wake!” Dean Kelvin “The hour has come, we hear them saying, where are ye all, ye virgins wise? The Bridegroom comes in sight, Raise high your torches bright! Alleluia! The wedding song swells loud and strong; Go forth and join the Festal throng.” So, do please make sure that you have oil in your lamp to keep on burning and be ye not numbered among the foolish virgins.
    Alternatively, how about the anonymous couple who were married at the Wedding Feast at Cana? Simply because they are not named they could stand for each and every married couple willing and ready to make their sacred and binding marriage vows. Judging by the amount of wine that was available post transformation, they must have had one hell of a Wedding Breakfast.

    Reply
  3. Pam Richmond Avatar
    Pam Richmond

    Perhaps good marriages do not make fascinating stories. Bad or odd marriages, on the other hand…..

    Reply

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