What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • 10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

    Public service announcement.

    The following opinions are all correct.

    1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
    2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
      • Acceptable tunes shall include:
        • Liverpool
        • Glasgow
        • Lyngham
        • Old Foster
        • Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
        • Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
    3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
    4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
    5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
    6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
      • Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
    7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
    8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
    9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
    10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.

    Thank you for your attention.

3 responses to “Freshers: How to Choose a Church”

  1. Alan McManus Avatar
    Alan McManus

    You’ve missed out one that I know is important to you: a clear commitment to social justice, local, national and global. Sublime aesthetics are all very well but most Freshers are young people and they want to know what you stand for. Otherwise, saying, in a nutshell, ‘all is well’ rings rather hollow. So a church that doesn’t indulge in party politics but does for instance condemn the malevolent stupidity of attempting, again, to fight an anti-Western ideology with indiscriminate Western bombing would let Freshers know that this church at least is smart enough to read the signs of the times and apply relevant Gospel values. Rather than just be vaguely lovely when our government is getting away with murder.

    Reply
    1. Fr Steve Avatar
      Fr Steve

      These are wise comments Alan. Several decades ago when i was a fresher…the anti-Vietnam protests in Australia were in full flight.
      I don’t think the church took a high enough profile, but many of us participated.
      Then there were the anti-apartheid demonstrations, when South African Rugby visited…these too were important.
      A wise Archbishop of Adelaide (later Australian Primate) Keith Rayner reminded us that one of the roles of young Christians is to pursue causes, be enthusiastic, and to challenge the church.

      Reply
  2. Fr Steve Avatar
    Fr Steve

    Having been a University Chaplain (University of Adelaide, South Australia), and now a priest in an inner city church of a University town (Adelaide, South Australia http://stmarymags125.blogspot.com.au/) I perceive much wisdom in your comments here
    I also want to add another dimension, which is true both of our church (St Mary Magdalene’s Adelaide, & of the Cathedral Church of St Peter, Adelaide):
    that social outreach is important.
    A very Anglo Catholic principle.
    Two decades or more ago a group of ‘earnest’ (quite the wrong word to describe the lovely kids who were uni students in the 80s) but genuine Christians ….sat around for weeks wondering about how they should put their faith into practice. Finally they just decided they needed to DO something. That something was putting on a slap-up meal on Saturday nights. That has continued for nearly thirty years. Diocesan parishes and schools volunteer every week.
    Really looking forward to my first Christmas here, when the parish will outdo itself with a proper Christmas dinner for those who we are called to love.
    I am impressed by the quality of University and young professional volunteers who staff this wonderful ministry.

    It strikes me that most freshers get this as authentic Gospel…and so do I

    Reply

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