What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • 10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

    Public service announcement.

    The following opinions are all correct.

    1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
    2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
      • Acceptable tunes shall include:
        • Liverpool
        • Glasgow
        • Lyngham
        • Old Foster
        • Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
        • Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
    3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
    4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
    5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
    6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
      • Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
    7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
    8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
    9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
    10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.

    Thank you for your attention.

One response to “British Values and Education”

  1. Alan McManus Avatar
    Alan McManus

    A friend of mine, blogging about Remembrance, remembered that: “[t]he Lancet estimated that over one million people were killed in our invasion of Iraq” (http://www.2ndcouncilhouse.co.uk/blog/2013/12/05/their-blood-runs-red/). There is no link between progressive values and the UK. We hide or deny our state sponsored genocide and torture, as British imperialism has always done. The Amritsar Massacre was not an anomaly but our modus operandi (http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/apr/23/british-empire-crimes-ignore-atrocities). Our much-vaunted kindness to animals, surely the most heart-warming of ‘British’ values, along with our famous fairness, is not compromised by fox-hunting rather, as we torture animals to death in every university it is seen for the sentimentality that it is. Those of us who are not naive to the real motivation of this animal torture (exactly the same as the human torture) know that ‘getting in-vivo experience on my CV’ (as a friend of mine put it) is attractive to those who seek the material gain and prestige accompanying advancement in Academia. The eventual aid to humans of a tiny proportion of this sadistically inflicted pain is convenient – and keeps the funding flowing. All these values we can wrap up in the Union Jack. And then set it on fire. when these values can no longer be associated with that flag and when the explicitly anti-RC Act of Settlement is repealed and when liberal clergy have successfully railed against the sectarian marches (http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/orange-order-and-glasgow-council-at-war-over-marches.20248665) so that citizens and visitors can walk down (and across) the streets of our cities any tine they like wearing any colours they like, then AND ONLY THEN is it the time to talk about forcing parents and guardians to pay a premium if the values they want their children to be educated in differ from those of the British state.

    Reply

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