What is in Kelvin's Head?

Liturgical news

04/02/2013
Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.
- The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
- There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
- The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
- The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
- The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
- Black shoes were worn throughout.

11 responses to “Ruth Innes RIP”

Bill Robertson

30/03/2022

So sorry to hear of Ruth’s death. She was a character you only meet once in a lifetime. RIP. 🙏

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Gillian

30/03/2022

Thanks for this lovely tribute to Ruth. Ruth also served at St Mark’s Portobello (until 2010 – in between the Falkirk and Linlithgow stints I think) and is fondly remembered there by her little flock.

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1. Kelvin
  
  30/03/2022
  
  My apologies for missing that out in the first draft. I’ll add it in.
  
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Gillian

30/03/2022

Thanks Kelvin.

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Rosemary Hannah

30/03/2022

Ruth had, also, a huge ability to sus out the gifts of others and to use them in a way that brought them fulfilment. It never put her off that others (often) regarded that person as a bit too marginal to use. Ruth made me feel useful- a gift both precious and rare. She also had the rare gift of good, solid fury. Gore Vidal had a set of essays ‘on our own now’ , his reaction to Eleanor Roosevelt’s death. Ruth is gone. We are on our own now.

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Gordon Reid

30/03/2022

Thank you, Kelvin, for this lovely tribute to Mother Ruth. She came to visit me in Philadelphia and was an instant hit among my friends. As you’ve said, she combined the kindness and compassion of a pastor with a glorious, bubbling sense of humour. Heaven will suit her!

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Patricia Cant

30/03/2022

Kelvin you have captured the Ruth I knew and loved, so thank you. I am missing being able to chat with her but I’ll keep chatting to her in my prayers. Tomorrow will be a celebration of the life a special lady. May she rest in peace and she will rise in glory.

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Cliff Piper

30/03/2022

Kelvin thank you so much for writing. Ruth was a very special person and even in her increasingly poor health continued to support and encourage me in coping with my own illness. May she rest in peace and rise in purple.

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Bob King

30/03/2022

She was an amazing person, priest and friend. She rescued me at my first Clergy Conference which had not been a good experience for me up
to the point when she said “sit here Bob” A person I admired, respected and was always a wee bit scared of as she would always put me right when I needed it.
God Bless you Ruth 😍

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Sally

31/03/2022

Thanks Kelvin, this is Ruth, and more. One of those people once met never forgotten. A loyal and loving friend who I am going to miss very much.

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Gareth Saunders

02/04/2022

💜 The world has felt somewhat less colourful and bright this week. May she rest in peace and rise in purple, indeed. 💜

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