What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

7 responses to “Pollokshields – These are our neighbours”

Marjorie Wilson

14/05/2021

Local people foiled yesterday’s attempt by immigration enforcers; next time they will come at night in an unmarked van. We have no chance of improving the immigration system in what you call “this country”, meaning the UK. When Scotland becomes independent, we will be able to have our own immigration policy, which will be fair, just and compassionate, in line with Christian values, and with the views of most Scottish people. Don’t you agree?

Reply
1. Kelvin
  
  14/05/2021
  
  No, I don’t agree. I think that the current policy is unjust and unfair and is just as unjust if it is applied in Carlisle as in Glasgow. The whole country needs a better system, not just Scotland.
  
  I find the idea of a country set up on “Christian” values quite chilling.
  
  If we do have a new country, it needs to have a secular constitution not a Christian one.
  
  Reply
  1. Revd Kenny Macaulay
    
    14/05/2021
    
    However, the people south of Carlisle have already indicated what sort of government they want and it is very different to what the majority of Scottish people consistently vote for. The only way we will get a fairer system is in an independent Scotland with your secular constitution.
    
    Reply
    1. Kelvin
      
      14/05/2021
      
      We have no idea what the immigration policy of a Tory government would be in an independent Scotland.
      
      Reply
    2. Keith Barber
      
      15/05/2021
      
      On the contrary, us folk south of Carlisle have been saddled with a government the majority of us don’t like by the defects of our electoral system and the machinations of a far-right anti-EU obsessive so-called politician.
      
      Reply
Sue Matthew

14/05/2021

thank you Kelvin for your comments. The scenes were heartening, that a community valued the men and were determined that they should be treated fairly and heard from. Gave me a little glimmer of hope, but then thats Scotland, here in Blue heaven, may not go that way, I am 84 now and have never felt so despondent, maybe the lockdown, I am not confident so a real ray of light from Pollockshields

Reply
Catherine

15/05/2021

Hurrah for Pollokshields. We need more of that sort of thing- all over the UK.

Reply