Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

People of Earth.

Now that you have elected me to the honoured position of Benevolent Dictator for Life, there are several rules which I must make clear.

  • Exclamation marks shall be known forever as exclamation marks and not exclamation points. (Computer scientists are except from the first part of this regulation and may continue to refer to such a mark as a bang).
  • Exclamation marks may be used for exclamations (“Ooh, What A Scorcher!”) or to express an imperative (“Hop Off, You Frogs!”).
  • Exclamation marks may not be used in place of full stops at the end of other sentences without written sanction from the Board of Humour and Jollity.
  • Exclamation marks may never be placed next to one another for to do so makes the angels weep.
  • Exclamation marks may be used in parentheses only by those who have received a recognised higher qualification in irony (!)
  • Offenders will initially be limited to a ration of 1 exclamation mark per month and be subject to a period of re-education.
  • Persistent offenders will be thrown into the Outer Darkness where there is Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth.

By keeping to these laws we may live in peace and harmony and all our ways shall prosper.

That is all.