Tales of the City – February 2020

On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

Drunk Young Man #2:
Yes! Someone neutral.

They turn to me.

DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

Self: I think it is real.

DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

Aye very responsible. What are you man?

I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

DYM#2: I knew it.

DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

I shake my head.

We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

Tales of the City #9

The scene is Great Western Road, at 10 am – just after morning prayer. A street cleaner in a council jacket runs down the street hollaring at me after morning prayer

Street Cleaner: “Oi, oi!”

I turn wondering what I’ve done.

Self: “Um, yes?”

Street Clearner: “Was it youse that was in the paper? It was, it was youse”

I wait expecting a stream of Glasgow invective.

His eyes light up, he beams a toothless smile and responds: “Hey man, hey, that was just great.”

He’s referring to this piece in the Herald.