Tales of the City

A knock at the door. I answer it to find a young man wearing black T-shirt, black shorts (were they boxer shorts?) and no shoes or socks.

Me: Hello

Him: Er hello.

Me: Can I help.

Him: Er, I was just wondering if you had any white wine vinegar.

Me: Oh, hang on a minute.

Him: I’m from downstairs.

Me: Well, how about this? It is cider vinegar.

Him: Oh, Thanks, but no, it needs to be white wine vinegar.

Me: Sorry, what are you making?

Him: Oh, err, no. It is for the windows.

Me: Oh right… Well, I’m Kelvin.

Him: Oh right. Err yes, I’m David. Hi.

Me: Hi.


  1. Your move next, then.

    Can I suggest a bottle of spirit vinegar in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other? He should soon realize that the windows are not nearly as discerning as his neighbor.

  2. I reckon he’s been watching too much Kim & Aggie. You watch, he’ll be back for lemon juice next. Altho Lord knows what he’ll be wearing if that’s what he wears for cleaning windows.

  3. kelvin says

    Fortunately, I’ve plenty of lemon juice to offer him if he comes back. Though if he had been watching Kim and Aggie, would he not have been attired in rubber gloves with feather trim? Did he remove them before coming upstairs? (If so, he should not have bothered).

    When I think about it, the fact that I live in the land of 24 hour vinegar emporia makes this little episode all the more strange.

    The presumption of commenters above is that this is the start of something. I had thought myself that this was a relationship that had been formed, blossomed and was completed within the space of the dialogue reported, but perhaps I am wrong.

  4. Roddy says

    You know you’re in the West End of Glasgow when the residents clean their windows with wine vinegar…

  5. kelvin says

    Thanks for the social commentary Roddy. Perhaps I should have offered him balsamic. I never thought at the time.

    There have been soap-operas and novels made out of less promising material than this.

  6. Anonymous says

    this is so much better than the nescafe gold blend ads. looking forward to the next episode!

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