• 10 Thoughts on the Blessing of Asparagus

    It seems that Worcester Cathedral recently had a service for the blessing of asparagus.

    As this is a matter that might be seen to have consequences for the wider Anglican Communion, I thought I’d offer a few thoughts.

    1. There can be no justification for blessing asparagus as asparagus is never mentioned positively in the bible. There is simply no biblical case for blessing asparagus. None at all. If God had wanted asparagus to be blessed, then surely Jesus would have blessed asparagus at the last supper. (1 Corinthians 15:3)
    2. In fact, we know that asparagus should not be blessed because Genesis says so. “In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, [asparagus] and Abel for his part brought of the firstlings of his flock, their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard.”  (Genesis 4: 3-4). You can’t pick and choose what the bible says. God’s holy word is clear and lasts forever.
    3. The blessing of asparagus promotes and validates the asparagus lifestyle. How will the church as a whole be able to maintain moral standards in one part of the world if asparagus is blessed in another? (Matthew 5:48)
    4. If we start blessing asparagus then it automatically follows that people will demand blessings for other kinds of vegetables. Although one might not personally object to the blessing of asparagus, one must take into account where this might lead. God will not be faithful to those who bless asparagus. (Amos 5:14)
    5. It would be entirely acceptable to offer a Thanksgiving for the Picking of Asparagus provided there are no rings used to hold the asparagus and any blessing must be upon the asparagus pickers and not the asparagus itself. (Ezekiel 44:30). The blessing of asparagus itself is sinful.
    6. The Archbishops have issued the following statement: “No asparagus is a problem, or an issue. Asparagus is made in the image of God. All of the asparagus, without exception, is loved and called in Christ. There are no ‘problems’, there is simply asparagus. (Romans 8:28) However, in order to maintain the unity of the church, it remains the case that asparagus blessings fall outside of that which is permitted for clergy of the Church of England following the last agreed Lambeth Conference statement on the matter. Clergy should continue to explore the maximum freedom possible when encountering asparagus whilst remaining within current guidelines. (Philippians 4:5)
    7. It remains the case that we all strive towards good disagreement (Philippians 4:2) about asparagus blessings whilst forbidding entirely the actual blessing of asparagus
    8. You cannot serve God and asparagus. The love of asparagus is the root of all evil. Do not associate with other eaters of asparagus. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
    9. There is an additional argument against the blessing of asparagus which stems from tradition. There should be no blessings of asparagus until the major churches who have the apostolic succession make an agreed statement on asparagus. This might be achieved in the form of an Ecumenical Asparagus Council of the Church however there remains some disagreement about who has the authority to call such a Council. (1 Corinthians 11:2)
    10. Always remember that God loves asparagus and that there have been some fine and courageous examples of self-giving asparagus throughout history. Many people are able to testify that some of their best friends have even eaten [unblessed] asparagus. So long as the church exercises gracious restraint in blessing asparagus, it will be possible for people to hear about the unique gifts that asparagus brings to the world. It may even be that God has a purpose for asparagus. (Exodus 9:16)

    the offering of the asparagus

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11 responses to “Evensong (with Dragons)”

  1. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    I always remember being told that the final “smoke” in the Stainer is meant to be the loudest note in Anglican choral music. I have no idea how that can possibly be qualified, and of course there are so many variables, but I still like to believe it’s true.

    1. kelvin Avatar

      Thanks Duncan – http://www.kjv-only.com/unicorn.html has a list of them for those interested.

      Cal – was thinking about you just the other day. I bet you’d know how to do deploy glitter canons for Corpus Christi.

  2. duncan Avatar
    duncan

    I love the fact that the unicorn appears in the KJV bible about ten times. Who said scripture doesn’t contain mythic elements!

  3. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    Fluttter ‘fetti has long been overlooked in the liturgy, I feel. I suspect you’d have to bribe your servers to sweep it up though – least favourite job.

  4. Martin Ritchie Avatar
    Martin Ritchie

    The loudness of “smoke” probably depends on the choir singing it! I bet St Mary’s give it a good thump! 😉

    On the subject of dragons…….we have some stylised ones hidden away in our Daniel Cottier stained glass at Pilrig St Paul’s in Edinburgh. I didn’t notice them for over three years despite having spent ages taking photographs of the windows. Cunningly hidden as I’m sure all dragons are!

    1. kelvin Avatar

      The smoke was certainly wonderfully loud last night.

      I see that Freda has new dragons, though they don’t seem particularly well hidden.

      Cal – I hope very much that the skills that you are currently building up are at some time and in some place offered unto the Lord in the facilitation of the most holy, most glorious and most magnificent liturgy.

      [Lesson learned from typing this comment – do not muddle up dragons and dragoons]

  5. Brother David Avatar
    Brother David

    [May] the Holy and Blessed Trinity to protect us from religion that is dull or humorless.

    AMEN!

  6. Rosemary Hannah Avatar
    Rosemary Hannah

    Now Kelvin, you must have read my story of St Michael, and you know, perfectly well, that actually the great archangel is dragon-formed. THe horrid prodder with the lance is actually Lucifer.

  7. ryan Avatar
    ryan

    Sounds fabulous. Impressed that you weren’t tempted to rename it EvenDrag!

  8. Agatha Avatar
    Agatha

    What if your Dyson isn’t in D? Mine is probably more A below middle C.

    I also like the idea of you all singing (a la The Clash) “I saw the Lord and the Lord won”.

  9. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    @Cal – I heard that too, but got pooh-poohed when I remarked upon it. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
    @Martin – St Mary’s choir do not thump. Lean upon, emphasise, give weight to, but never thump. Nor, for the psalmody aficionados out there, do they gabble.

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