What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City – February 2020

    On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

    In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

    Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

    Drunk Young Man #2:     Yes! Someone neutral.

    They turn to me.

    DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

    Self: I think it is real.

    DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

    DYM#1:     Aye very responsible. What are you man?

    I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

    DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

    I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

    DYM#2: I knew it.

    DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

    I shake my head.

    We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

5 responses to “To Castle Douglas”

  1. Stewart Avatar
    Stewart

    With out looking at a map I can think of three:

    Belfast;
    The Cathedral of The Isles, Millport; and
    Carlisle.

    I am not sure if there are others, the next two which are probably further than Glasgow are Newcastle and St Mary’s Edinburgh

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      No, I don’t think so, Stewart. Partly right and partly wrong.

      Reply
  2. Andrew Swift Avatar
    Andrew Swift

    Greetings from Cowal & Bute.

    Carlisle Cathedral must be closest to Castle Douglas.

    I suspect that St German in Peel, diocese of Sodor & Man, is next closest as the seagull flies – the radio reception from the Isle of Man is extraordinarily clear down there.

    Cathedral of the Isles on Great Cumbrae and Glasgow – pretty similar I would have thought, Calmac notwithstanding. Your poor horse would need waterwings to get over there, and your gaiters would have to fully waterproof.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      I’ve travelled from the Isle of Man to Kirkcudbright, but in a yacht. Without the horse.

      Reply
  3. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    As the crow flies, I suspect that both Newcastle and Durham are closer than Glasgow. Of course, in practical terms, the Irish Sea does rather get in the way. Having spent four weeks living somewhere that is not quite so far south as Castle Douglas and yet still does not get BBC Radio Scotland, this wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

    St Mary’s is closer than the Cathedral of the Isles, but only by about a mile and a half.

    Reply

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