What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Thoughts on the Blessing of Asparagus

25/04/2017
It seems that Worcester Cathedral recently had a service for the blessing of asparagus.

As this is a matter that might be seen to have consequences for the wider Anglican Communion, I thought I’d offer a few thoughts.
1. There can be no justification for blessing asparagus as asparagus is never mentioned positively in the bible. There is simply no biblical case for blessing asparagus. None at all. If God had wanted asparagus to be blessed, then surely Jesus would have blessed asparagus at the last supper. (1 Corinthians 15:3)
2. In fact, we know that asparagus should not be blessed because Genesis says so. “In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, [asparagus] and Abel for his part brought of the firstlings of his flock, their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard.” (Genesis 4: 3-4). You can’t pick and choose what the bible says. God’s holy word is clear and lasts forever.
3. The blessing of asparagus promotes and validates the asparagus lifestyle. How will the church as a whole be able to maintain moral standards in one part of the world if asparagus is blessed in another? (Matthew 5:48)
4. If we start blessing asparagus then it automatically follows that people will demand blessings for other kinds of vegetables. Although one might not personally object to the blessing of asparagus, one must take into account where this might lead. God will not be faithful to those who bless asparagus. (Amos 5:14)
5. It would be entirely acceptable to offer a Thanksgiving for the Picking of Asparagus provided there are no rings used to hold the asparagus and any blessing must be upon the asparagus pickers and not the asparagus itself. (Ezekiel 44:30). The blessing of asparagus itself is sinful.
6. The Archbishops have issued the following statement: “No asparagus is a problem, or an issue. Asparagus is made in the image of God. All of the asparagus, without exception, is loved and called in Christ. There are no ‘problems’, there is simply asparagus. (Romans 8:28) However, in order to maintain the unity of the church, it remains the case that asparagus blessings fall outside of that which is permitted for clergy of the Church of England following the last agreed Lambeth Conference statement on the matter. Clergy should continue to explore the maximum freedom possible when encountering asparagus whilst remaining within current guidelines. (Philippians 4:5)
7. It remains the case that we all strive towards good disagreement (Philippians 4:2) about asparagus blessings whilst forbidding entirely the actual blessing of asparagus
8. You cannot serve God and asparagus. The love of asparagus is the root of all evil. Do not associate with other eaters of asparagus. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
9. There is an additional argument against the blessing of asparagus which stems from tradition. There should be no blessings of asparagus until the major churches who have the apostolic succession make an agreed statement on asparagus. This might be achieved in the form of an Ecumenical Asparagus Council of the Church however there remains some disagreement about who has the authority to call such a Council. (1 Corinthians 11:2)
10. Always remember that God loves asparagus and that there have been some fine and courageous examples of self-giving asparagus throughout history. Many people are able to testify that some of their best friends have even eaten [unblessed] asparagus. So long as the church exercises gracious restraint in blessing asparagus, it will be possible for people to hear about the unique gifts that asparagus brings to the world. It may even be that God has a purpose for asparagus. (Exodus 9:16)
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asparagus, biblical attitudes to asparagus

8 responses to “Deck the hair…”

(fabulous for an alleged evangelical) ryan

27/10/2008

Out of interest, is there a proper churchy rule or convention on the right time for Christmas trees to go up? Don’t know if the grumpiness in your post is personal or praepostorial

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Kimberly

27/10/2008

A properly churchy time for the Christmas tree to go up is at Chrismas. i.e. after the fourth Sunday of Advent and in time for the Midnight Mass.

Grumpiness about Christmas in October is natural and appropriate, surely.

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Anne

28/10/2008

On a sliding scale of grumpiness which is worse, harumph or bah humbug?[PS M and S had hot cross buns in their bakery today]

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ChickPea

29/10/2008

Ah, Kelvin…….. I wonder, is there a link between the demoralising ‘Facebook’ notices bewailed in your last post and your enticing sentiments expressed in this ?

Perhaps you need to create a little sunshine to tempt them – a little progressive development of the fly-fishing technique, the swish and flick of the wrist, the fleeting glimpse of temptation just enough in sight to, er, arouse interest……

Maybe your own bedecked seasonal tree (call it an ‘Advent Tree’ to thwart the Christmas Tree Traditionalists – thereby launching yourself as a trend-setter) – such tree selected and styled with eagerness in longing anticipation of future festivities……..

(You could call it ‘forward planning par excellence’, even, to gain bonus brownie points and thwart critics)…..

Then, perchance, the ‘Facebook Fanatics’ may clamour to, er, beat a path to your door ?

(Tho……. more to the point……. would you honestly be wanting them to ?……….is that really where Everyman finds his bosom buddies ?)

PS. Put your dazzling Advent Tree prominently in your window and WE’ll all come round so’s you’re not lonely – how’s that for a Gloom-Buster to tweak the morale, eh ?

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kelvin

29/10/2008

I think that facebook is just another meeting place and similar patterns of community seem to play out there though sometimes at a faster rate than in face to face communication. Certainly, the flirting, fighting and flummery as well as thoughtful the slow conversation that I recognise from off-line communication, is all present there too.

Would I want to entice those who would be enticed by early Christmas trees, albeit dressed up in another name.

I’d rather not.

[BTW Anne – three Harumphs certainly trump a single Bah Humbug]

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Rev Ruth

29/10/2008

I think it is just attention seeking.

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ryan

30/10/2008

Your new hair looks lovely incidently. Am sure you’re turning heads at that clergy conference.

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kelvin

30/10/2008

Ryan, your faith in my hair is almost unbearably touching. At this clergy conference, however, it was trumped by the hair of the Rector of St Margaret’s, Newlands.

He came to the conference whilst his hair did not, his having been shaved completely bald the day before.

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