What is in Kelvin's Head?

10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

27/12/2018
Public service announcement.

The following opinions are all correct.
1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
  - Acceptable tunes shall include:
    
    Liverpool
    
    Glasgow
    
    Lyngham
    
    Old Foster
    
    Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
    
    Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
  - Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.
Thank you for your attention.
Christmas carols

8 responses to “Remedy du jour”

Stewart

04/10/2007

I have had Garlic Mash three times in the past week, and Garlic and Horseradish on a steak last night.

I do not have a cold, so maybe it will work for you – or at least act as a preventative when am next at St Mary’s.

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Fiona

04/10/2007

Kelvin, have you tried mulled wine?

Sachets with the mulling spices in them shouldn’t be too hard to get hold of (try Peckhams). They look like little teabags. Add a dash of orange juice, maybe float a slice on top as well. : )

It might not do much for your cold, but at least it’ll help you sleep, which is what you need right now — rest and fluids.

Also worth trying is a Hot Toddy.

Hope you feel better soon.

~Fiona.

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Roddy

05/10/2007

Garlic’s not a bad idea. I’ve always found if I have a hot, garlic soaked, curry when I’ve got the lurgy I feel better.

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asphodeline

05/10/2007

What you need is a hot curry followed by a hot bath!

This man cold of yours is lingering on a bit or are you “milking” this illness??!!

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Andrew

05/10/2007

What is a man cold? Don’t women get them too?

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kelvin

05/10/2007

It seems to be a widely held view amongst women that men make much of their sufferings when they get a cold.

There is an urban dictionary definition here.

There are some who say that the female equivalent of a mancold is the flu, but I could not possibly comment.

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kelvin

05/10/2007

If Ms Asphodeline is fed up of hearing about my poor state of health, presumably it will be quite a while before we hear anything about her own on livejournal.

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asphodeline

07/10/2007

Haha, you know I’ll probably get the office lurgy now?!

I hope you feel better soon. There’s nothing worse than a man ~~with a~~ cold

x

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