What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Liturgical news

    Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.

    • The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
    • There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
    • The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
    • The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
    • The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
    • Black shoes were worn throughout.

28 responses to “1066 And All What?”

  1. Lester Knibb Avatar
    Lester Knibb

    I hope management have investigated and deducted any pay that may have accrued during the writing of such “tosh”, assuming it was done in work time. It’s hard enough trying to get non-Christians to take Christianity seriously without putting stumbling-blocks like this in their way. Perhaps this was what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians.

    Reply
  2. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    I am attending an Alpha Course to find out if I am a Christian. When I read a prayer like this I wonder if it was intended to give God a good laugh (which I hope) or was just plain misguided. My course seems to be riddled with items like this along with wild assumptions.

    Reply
  3. Rachma Avatar
    Rachma

    so lovely to get back from 8 days IGR and 3 different funeral directors messages and then to see this and get a laugh catching up. This will be another one of your emails that will make a very good exercise to use when training intercessors to develop some critical thinking skills.

    Reply
  4. Bob Shearer Avatar
    Bob Shearer

    Definitely using this in home group this evening, based upon the notion that England is “poised”. Does this apparent self-possession occur only post Brexit? For christians, what does that mean in our relation to God? And this a temporary condition?

    Reply

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