What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

7 responses to “Solstice”

  1. Kimberly Avatar
    Kimberly

    Blue woad, Kelvin.

    (perhaps with a dash of white wine vinegar?)

    And it is not the virgin per se that is sacrificed.

    Reply
  2. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Ah, now I see what he really wanted the vinegar for.

    Keep those suggestions coming.

    Reply
  3. chris Avatar
    chris

    Naked, with sprigs of bog myrtle ( to keep away the midges). We did same in Edinburgh Botanics – lovely calm evening, affronted heron (too many people at bedtime) – and nae midges!

    Reply
  4. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Chris, the image of you naked in the Edinburgh Bots complete with affronted heron will stay with me for quite a while. Glad you enjoyed it, but no idea how you got away with it.

    Reply
  5. asphodeline Avatar
    asphodeline

    I love Solstice. Broomstick, wand and something warming to drink!! Naked isn’t so good when there are midges about of course 🙂

    Reply
  6. chris Avatar
    chris

    I realised what I’d said just after hitting ‘post’ – but glad it went through. We aim to amuse …

    Reply
  7. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    I think that Canon 17b in the Cof E requires Deans to go to Stonehenge on 2ist June. Having fought a running battle with the local constabulary, they then recite the ‘Quinque Vult’ and there is a retiring collection for the Bishop of Salisbury. Then all face west and exchange the Peace with hippies etc before wishing them well on their journey to Glastonbury for the real liturgy of the year.
    Kelvin , your penance in the rain and the presentation of wine-vinegar to the stranger means that the Summer Solstice will now be commemorated as St Kelvins’ Day – assuming the Faith and Order Board approve.

    Reply

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