What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City – February 2020

    On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

    In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

    Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

    Drunk Young Man #2:     Yes! Someone neutral.

    They turn to me.

    DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

    Self: I think it is real.

    DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

    DYM#1:     Aye very responsible. What are you man?

    I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

    DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

    I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

    DYM#2: I knew it.

    DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

    I shake my head.

    We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

6 responses to “Tales of the City”

  1. Kimberly Avatar
    Kimberly

    Your move next, then.

    Can I suggest a bottle of spirit vinegar in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other? He should soon realize that the windows are not nearly as discerning as his neighbor.

    Reply
  2. Rev Ruth Avatar
    Rev Ruth

    I reckon he’s been watching too much Kim & Aggie. You watch, he’ll be back for lemon juice next. Altho Lord knows what he’ll be wearing if that’s what he wears for cleaning windows.

    Reply
  3. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Fortunately, I’ve plenty of lemon juice to offer him if he comes back. Though if he had been watching Kim and Aggie, would he not have been attired in rubber gloves with feather trim? Did he remove them before coming upstairs? (If so, he should not have bothered).

    When I think about it, the fact that I live in the land of 24 hour vinegar emporia makes this little episode all the more strange.

    The presumption of commenters above is that this is the start of something. I had thought myself that this was a relationship that had been formed, blossomed and was completed within the space of the dialogue reported, but perhaps I am wrong.

    Reply
  4. Roddy Avatar
    Roddy

    You know you’re in the West End of Glasgow when the residents clean their windows with wine vinegar…

    Reply
  5. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    Thanks for the social commentary Roddy. Perhaps I should have offered him balsamic. I never thought at the time.

    There have been soap-operas and novels made out of less promising material than this.

    Reply
  6. Avatar
    Anonymous

    this is so much better than the nescafe gold blend ads. looking forward to the next episode!

    Reply

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