What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • 10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

    Public service announcement.

    The following opinions are all correct.

    1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
    2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
      • Acceptable tunes shall include:
        • Liverpool
        • Glasgow
        • Lyngham
        • Old Foster
        • Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
        • Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
    3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
    4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
    5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
    6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
      • Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
    7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
    8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
    9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
    10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.

    Thank you for your attention.

20 responses to “Lambeth Conference – Some are Welcome in this Place”

  1. asphodeline Avatar
    asphodeline

    Aargh, horrible decision. My first “gut” reaction was no, make a point of not going and make it clear why not. Then I read the responses here and they’ve got a point too.

    I hope you make the right decision for yourself that you feel comfortable with. Interesting point too about the Catholic bit. I don’t consider myself Protestant as such, more a Catholic who is exlcuded from many things Catholic by the Catholic church. I’ve always been a bit confused though!

    Good luck x

    Reply
  2. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    I’m interested that all voices responding so far are female.

    Reply
  3. chris Avatar
    chris

    Does the excess of female voices not simply represent the majority of congregations? Not, of course, of clergy – yet. :=(

    Reply
  4. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    I’ve no idea what other congregations are like – St Mary’s is pretty gender balanced, as was my previous congregation.

    Are there really congregations that are mostly female? How very odd.

    Reply
  5. Elizabeth Avatar
    Elizabeth

    A convent maybe? Do you have convents in the SEC?

    Reply
  6. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    There are convents, but not terribly large ones.

    Reply
  7. Eamonn Avatar
    Eamonn

    Not only are all the comments so far from women (so let me make a modest effort to redress the balance), but there are far fewer voices than one might have expected, given the seriousness of this exclusion, which in the long run could affect all Episcopalians and Anglicans worldwide. The notion that one has to ‘qualify’ to attend Lambeth by criteria other than lawful episcopal consecration is a new and disquieting departure. Why are more people not protesting?

    Reply
  8. vicky Avatar
    vicky

    Thought this might be of interest.

    Reply
  9. chris Avatar
    chris

    I’ve only ever belonged to my current congretation. There are men, but old, unwired ones for the most part.
    I’ve had another thought, though. Maybe women comment because women have been sidelined in the church for 2000 years. Coming out in sympathy, perhaps?

    Reply
  10. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    “unwired men” – what a helpful description.

    Reply

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