What is in Kelvin's Head?

Baptising

17/06/2013
There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:
- hold them upside down
- hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
- use cold water
- flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
- hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.
Otherwise,
- hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
- surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
- warm up the water
- talk to them and mean what you say
- keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
- lots of splashes
baptism, how to baptise

10 responses to “Liturgical Notes – as given to the servers this morning”

Moyra

07/08/2006

So what really happened?
you can’t leave me in suspense like that…. Did any of it go according to plan?

Reply
Anonymous

07/08/2006

What really happened

Well, Fr Bishop did not really turn up with enough time to spare to be accorded the offer to celebrate. He did make it into the pulpit in time for the sermon. Just.

So, we had a Presiding Minister and Sub-deacon. Not quite a High Mass, more Gas Mark 5.

Excellent control of the thurible.

No amount of bowing to the offertory procession or censing them would make them go away. Perhaps someone was supposed to do something else to them, but I sure don’t know what they were waiting for. Perhaps someone will tell me in the week.

Offertory elements arrived nearer verse 4 of the hymn than verse 1.

Presiding Muggins ended up flitting out with the vessels to St Anne’s chapel.

And a good time was had by all.

Reply
Pamela

07/08/2006

I wish I’d been able to get out my bed in time for yesterdays service – I love it when the incense is used.

Reply
Vicky

07/08/2006

chaos what chaos?
apart from the late Bish and the sneaky switching on of his mike, I was blissfully unaware of the chaos at the altar……isn’t it always like that? Just think yourselves lucky you don’t have to accurately time the ringing of bells and the ‘donging’ of dongs which, if inappropriately done, can throw transubstantiation into reversal…..

Reply
Brannon Hancock

07/08/2006

didn’t notice
I didn’t notice a thing. (Well, except the tardy homilist.) ‘course, sitting out w/ the congregation, my eye misses a lot of that I’d probably notice were I with the choir in our normal place. For instance, with the Bishop at the “big pulpit,” I couldn’t see him at all from where I was sitting. In fact, it took me about 25 seconds to figure out where the strange disembodied voice was coming from…

Reply
Anonymous

07/08/2006

Servers and Sight Lines

Oh, there was no chaos at the altar – the servers served impeccably. It is the mark of good serving that no-one should know that things were not quite going to plan.

As for seeing the Bishop – one of the things I’ve been giving a lot of thought to is the sightlines in the Cathedral which are pretty terrible. There is no perfect place to preach from or to celebrate at which will enable everyone in the pews to see. At one time in the life of the church people were charged pew rents – higher rent for seats you could see from.

Reply
Elizabeth Anderson

09/08/2006

sight lines
True enough re sightlines. As someone who regularly sits in south side pews – I’ve figured out exactly where to sit in the pew so that the offending pillar is between altar and eagle – so I could see preacher and celebrant. Which is extremely selfish becuase it means whoever else is in the pew (usually James) can’t see.

I thought the preaching from the centre, in front of the altar – most visible – and not so far away from congregation as ‘voice from the sky’pulpit – is best option so far.

As for incense – not a wiff reached said south aisle. But I suppose for it to permeate to back of church would involve overwhelming those front and centre.

Reply
Anonymous

09/08/2006

Sight Lines from the North Aisle
As a someone who regularly sits in the North Aisle, I can see most of what goes on except when the pulpit is being used. On those occaisions, moving tot he other end of the pew gives me a view of the pulpit around the north side of the organ console.

Reply
Elizabeth Anderson

11/08/2006

Hmmmm
I feel like great amusement could be had by all with coloured yarn connecting various bits of the Cathedral. Green for the pulpit, red for the altar, blue for the lectern – stretching around the pillars, organ console . . .

Reply
Mysterious stranger

14/08/2006

Mystery to me
As someone who has just about mastered morning prayers the above just remains a complete mystery to me.I like the idea of the yarn though.

Reply