What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Liturgical news

    Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.

    • The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
    • There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
    • The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
    • The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
    • The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
    • Black shoes were worn throughout.

4 responses to “New Year Predictions 2016”

  1. Malcolm Avatar
    Malcolm

    Number One only works if George Carey is capable of a) self-awareness and b) shame. There is no evidence to support either.

    Reply
  2. Bob Chapman Avatar
    Bob Chapman

    We can hope you are right about #4.

    Because of #2, I hope your prediction about #4 is not a fond thing, vainly invented, grounded on no hope of things seen in light of actual events.

    Those of us in the US are always wonder what the ABC is up to when stepping over borders.

    Reply
  3. Meg Rosenfeld Avatar
    Meg Rosenfeld

    I fervently hope that #7 turns out to be the case. It wouldn’t hurt to have a Democratic majority in Congress again, either.

    Reply
  4. pam Avatar
    pam

    So true – delayed at Heathrow for nearly an hour because a drone was in out flight path.. maybe a plane will be hit and then they will legislate.

    Reply

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