What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • 10 Correct Opinions About Christmas Carols

    Public service announcement.

    The following opinions are all correct.

    1. The first carol on Christmas Day should always be Christians Awake Salute the Happy Morn. It should be sung lustily and with the last line repeated.
    2. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night may be sung to almost any tune. It must not, however, be sung to the tune Winchester Old
      • Acceptable tunes shall include:
        • Liverpool
        • Glasgow
        • Lyngham
        • Old Foster
        • Sweet Chiming Christmas Bells
        • Cranbrook – This may only be used once in every decade in any one place. There’s a limit to how entertaining it is.
    3. The best carol of all is It Came Upon the Midnight Clear and it must be sung to the tune Noel by Arthur Sullivan. There are many things in which the US based Episcopal Church is correct but it is incorrect in its choice of tune for this carol. It may also be sung at Michaelmas. The incorrect words “It Came upon a midnight clear” are anathema. They have as much place in the Christian faith as Sundays before Advent or Sundays before Lent – ie none whatsoever.
    4. Jingle Bells is not a carol.
    5. The carol Of the Father’s Love Begotten may be sung at any time from Advent Sunday until the Feast of Candlemas. It must only be sung to the words agreed by Mr Frikki Walker and myself. The verse about seer and sybyl must always be included as it is both profound and reminds us all of Sybil Fawlty. I have every intention of broadcasting this carol unto the nation at the earliest opportunity so that everyone else may copy the St Mary’s version of the words.
    6. 10 points may be claimed for anyone spotting a heresy in any carol. A bonus of 50 points is awarded to anyone who can come up with a heresy-free version that people will enjoy singing.
      • Your starter for 10 is “Veiled in flesh the Godhead see” which sounds like Docetism to me.
    7. Anyone claiming that carols should be sung “in the original version” shall be required to sing Hark How All The Welkin Rings at the next carol service they are at and will then be required to explain to everyone at the door what a welkin is.
    8. In the Bleak Midwinter may be sung, even though Jesus probably was not born amidst snow. However, it may only be sung by a good choir singing the Harold Darke version.
    9. O Come All Ye Faithful is a Jacobite rallying call and is most proper for Scottish Episcopalians to sing.
    10. Christmas cake should be eaten with cheese and not marzipan and icing.

    Thank you for your attention.

4 responses to “Sermon – 27 February 2005”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Sermon – 27 February 2005

    It is people like you who we should be electing as Bishops!
    People of faith, who have a kind, decent and honest heart.
    People of courage, who are prepared to speak out and stand firm against prejudices of all kinds.
    St Saviour's congregation are fortunate to have you, and have grown in faith because of you.
    The Scottish Episcopal Church is extremely fortunate to have you.
    The Anglican communion must also recognise how fortunate they are to have good Christian people like you!

    Jesus turns no o­ne away – we have no right to either

    I hope that you will continue to help us grow, in the faith that we all proclaim to have.

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Kelvin

    Re: Sermon – 27 February 2005
    Exactly!

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Sermon – 27 February 2005
    Our friend Skintbuthappy has put my thoughts perfectly so I have nothing as beautifully put to add other than in reply to this comment

    Jesus turns nobody away, why should we?

    That, in my opinion is the whole point. This is what we read all through the New Testament, this is what all the parables underline. No-one is excluded and we mere mortals have no right to do otherwise or indeed to make judgement.

    Reply
  4. Ann Philp Avatar
    Ann Philp

    Recently I took a funeral at the local crem. It was of a cross gender woman much loved by all who knew her. The crem was full, many of them from the community of gay and cross gender folk locally. They had asked me to do it ( I had employed one of the mourners) The congregation–really hard up most of them,many had really limited education. I found myself wanting to weep…not for the dead. ..that was their job but because the church had lost them all. We don’t do God one of them had said. Why did they want me? I had been kind…
    They said, you know about God..you can talk to him. Yes I endured pop songs at odd places in the rite no hymns or psalms…but of course I prayed and of course I talked. There was only one message, God loves all of you…it is the only message…but where have we been? He eats with tax collectors and sinners, he mixed with all people showing equal love to all. What have we let happen?

    Reply

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