What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Liturgical news

    Here is the liturgical news from St Mary’s Cathedral, Glasgow yesterday.

    • The Provost announced during morning service that the church is responsible for far too much condemnation in the world and far too few blessings. He and the Vice Provost then went on to offer the ancient Blessing of the Throats traditionally performed by holding candles to the throats of the faithful on St Blaise’s Day. About 45 members of the congregation had their throats blessed.
    • There have been no outbreaks of any diseases of the throat since yesterday.
    • The Provost turned into a flailing jellyfish at two points during yesterday’s mass. The first was the result of him seeing the gospel procession going past him and on down the aisle before he had woken up to the fact that he was the deacon and due to read the gospel. The second was when he tried to retrieve and consume a fallen host during communion. This resulted in a manoeuvre that is known as being Slain in the Spirit amongst low church people and known as falling Amice over Tippet by high church people.
    • The Provost was dismayed at the end of the mass to have it pointed out to him that the mass may not have been valid as he was wearing his stole in the manner of a priest rather than in the manner of a deacon.
    • The Provost then used the fact that his stole was the wrong way round to justify the fact that he had forgotten to follow the gospel procession earlier in the service.
    • Black shoes were worn throughout.

4 responses to “Church Times Adverts”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    Isn’t that what most of us are working for? A home with a view, whether it be in this life or the next. If I can get that, I’ll consider myself fortunate indeed! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    No Annie, I don’t agree! I think that what Kelvin is getting at is tht these positions are exploiting elderly clergy who have little income and who have had no chance to buy a property because of church rules.

    A good view is no recompense in retirement if you havnt got a proper income and have to resort to this kind of job to make ends meet and keep a roof over your head.

    These “house for duty” positions are a way of getting ministry on the cheap. Clergy poverty in old age is likely to get even worse in coming years.

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I know what Kelvin was getting at and it is wrong for the church to exploit anyone. I believe that there are lots of people who are doing God’s work who are not all employed by the church, but are none the less in jobs that are “ministering” to others and that these jobs are often ones which give little monetary compensation. However simplistic it might sound, I happen to believe that God does provide for his children, even down to food, clothing, and shelter. Too often we don’t believe that what He provides is good enough when in reality it is always the best – meaning it is always the best for us, just what we need to become closer to Him. I don’t say any of this lightly. It’s something I’ve learned from experience and something I’m continuing to learn. I’m not sure I’m expressing my thoughts very coherently. George MacDonald says it much better in his book “What’s Mine’s Mine”. I didn’t mean to offend, criticize, chatise or preach. I only wanted to encourage. Kelvin appears to have a God given passion for activism and fighting for others. I admire that! I only wanted to encourage him with a reminder that God doesn’t forget us or our needs and wants. He uses them to draw us nearer to him. Also, when people and their institutions, religious and political, let us down – He never will.

    Reply
  4. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    Peace be with you!

    Simon – stop shouting at people.

    Reply

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