What is in Kelvin's Head?

Jesus – the Angry Religious Man

09/03/2015

Here’s what I said in the pulpit yesterday for Lent 3

Sermon preached by Kelvin Holdsworth on 8 March 2015 from St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow on Vimeo.

The door opened. That door at the back, with its annoying squeak. And I looked up and immediately I was afraid.

I saw someone come in and knew that I needed to do something and do it quickly.

I checked the clock and took off my headphones.

Either I needed to shout at everyone to evacuate the building or I had to try to do something myself.

I looked around and decided to walk forward and try to distract him and see what happened.

We were about to do a Radio Broadcast. A live radio broadcast and the clock was, well, not ticking because things like that need to be silent when we are recording, but the clock was moving inexorably towards 8.10 and the moment when the red light would go on and I would say, “Good morning and welcome to St Mary’s Cathedral in the City of Glasgow, a city that is still in shock.”

It was the day after the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport. Transport systems were in a mess. The airport was completely locked down and roads were closed all over the place. People couldn’t fly into Scotland. There was transport chaos and the police still didn’t know how many other people were at large who intended harm.

And that door right there opened right before an advertised liver broadcast and someone unexpected came in. Someone whom I didn’t know.

And in that instant I saw a stereotype walk into the cathedral. He was young and rather swarthy looking. I later discovered that he was indeed just back from Libya and he looked like it.

A thin white scarf around him. Khaki camouflage clothes. And a backpack.

It was the backpack that worried me most as I walked towards him.

Hello I said, welcome to St Mary’s.

These are the words that I use when I think someone is about to blow me and the cathedral up.

Hello, welcome to St Mary’s.

Hello, he said.

There was a pause as I looked him up and down and he did the same to me.

Do you mind telling me, I asked – do you mind telling me what’s in the backpack. (more…)

cleansing of the temple, Jesus in the temple, Lent 3, Sermon, turning over the tables, Year B

11 responses to “Predictions for 2014”

Rosemary Hannah

01/01/2014

I am struggling with nine – I mean, Lord Carey, being unhelpful, oh no, beyond imagination …. 😉

Reply
Kate

01/01/2014

In what way is 9. a ‘prediction’. Next it’ll be ‘mystic sage thurible predicts continued arising of the sun’. Also tricky to imagine that there’s much more dirty washing in O’Brien’s washing basket unless he also has a wife and three children. 6, interesting. 7, I am merely a passing English person who has to read Scottish government press releases for work, but on this basis I can’t for the life of me think why you wouldn’t want to separate yourselves from England – just about everything is better – whether it’s some interest and care for soil fertility and the land, an enlightened approach to the arts or a First Minister actually prepared to turn up at a Food Bank. If it wasn’t a bit chilly up there, Id be taking Gaelic lessons now.

Reply
Kelvin

01/01/2014

9 – might just have had a touch of sarcasm about it.
4 – there *is* more dirty linen to be washed
6 – surprised other people haven’t seen how clever Pilling was
7 – I don’t think so. We neither speak Gaelic here nor want separation. It might be suggested that reading SNP press releases might not actually be the most balanced way to grasp what is happening in Scotland. #bettertogether

Reply
1. Kate
  
  01/01/2014
  
  4 – crumbs, and probably ‘oh dear’
  6 – When the Faith and Order commission’s last gutless report on marriage came out, we still weren’t short of people (Giles Fraser among others) who thought there was all a secret coded message in their somewhere that was altogether more positive. Pilling seems to me like another not-very-brave dog’s breakfast where you can see pretty much anything you like, if you squint. That doesn’t mean to say that nothing positive will come of it, in the sense that whatever he’d written, the C of E is going to be overtaken by events – and the sheer statistics of the whole of their youth turning against them. And the Evangelicals are quietly fracturing down exactly the same generational fault line too. But I’m not seeing the artful contrivance in Pilling that you clearly are….
  7. Here, my tongue was a bit in my cheek too. But I do read UK government press releases too, and honestly, if I was immigrating, I’d totally head for Scotland.
  
  Reply
  1. Kelvin Holdsworth
    
    01/01/2014
    
    7 – I think that Scotland is the best part of the UK to be in.
    
    Reply
  2. Beth Routledge
    
    01/01/2014
    
    7. I too think that Scotland is the best part of the UK to be in, and I am pleased that various things are devolved. No need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
    
    Reply
robert

01/01/2014

It seems (to me!) that Carey is now filling the same place that David Jenkins took when Carey was ABC and is sought out by journalists at Christmas/Easter wanting something to write about.

Reply
1. Kelvin
  
  01/01/2014
  
  Well, if they just ring me, I’ll be happen to take the burden out of his hands…
  
  Reply
Zebadee

01/01/2014

[7] Yes Yes Yes– in my all too humble opinion Scotland is the best part of the UK live in. This opinion has not changed over many many years.

Reply
Chris

02/01/2014

7. I want to throw the baby out, but having once sung in a Gaelic choir (phonetic renderings of words) have no desire – nay, no need, even in Argyll – to learn Gaelic. Just saying.

Reply
Craig Nelson

11/01/2014

I agree Pilling is not meant for us but it is a mechanism that allows for the smallest change possible. If that change doesn’t happen, none will, if it does then eventually the change will perforce continue. It’s a kind of fulcrum around which change will/can happen.

Reply