What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City – February 2020

    On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

    In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

    Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

    Drunk Young Man #2:     Yes! Someone neutral.

    They turn to me.

    DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

    Self: I think it is real.

    DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

    DYM#1:     Aye very responsible. What are you man?

    I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

    DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

    I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

    DYM#2: I knew it.

    DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

    I shake my head.

    We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

7 responses to “Liturgical news”

  1. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    Apart from the outbreak of throat-blessings, I noticed none of this, despite being about three yards from it. Had the Shoes been other than black, however, I’d have spotted them from a mile away. #pedantalert.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Proof positive that some time spent in a good liturgical finishing school early in a clerical career pays dividends later on.

      Reply
  2. Revruth Avatar
    Revruth

    I don’t know why but the phrase ‘flailing jellyfish’ has made me laugh so much that I nearly had an accident. We’ve all done it and now it will be made worse by thinking of that phrase each time. Thank you.

    Reply
    1. Fr Dougal Avatar
      Fr Dougal

      “Provost turns into a flailing jellyfish”? It’s like an episode of Dr Who! Blue Book instead of blue Tardis but otherwise….

      Reply
  3. PMo Avatar
    PMo

    And it’s claimed that I’m ‘special’!!

    Reply
  4. Rhea Avatar
    Rhea

    i got a good chuckle out of this. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Reply
  5. Andrew H Avatar
    Andrew H

    Sounds par for the course at our Sunday 1030 masses… such events and little mishaps keep us all on our toes. And, of course, invariably performed with due reverence, and in the best possible taste….!

    Reply

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