What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City – February 2020

    On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

    In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

    Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

    Drunk Young Man #2:     Yes! Someone neutral.

    They turn to me.

    DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

    Self: I think it is real.

    DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

    DYM#1:     Aye very responsible. What are you man?

    I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

    DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

    I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

    DYM#2: I knew it.

    DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

    I shake my head.

    We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

5 responses to “Mr Provost’s Finest Reindeer Receipt”

  1. Bro David Avatar
    Bro David

    You know that English is not my first language, but I thought that when you buy something that the shop usually gives you a receipt and that the instructions regarding how to cook or bake something was a recipe.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      You are right, Bro David in that nowadays when you buy something you get a receipt and when you cook you follow a recipe.

      However, they come from the same word and it used to be that receipt was used for a list of cooking ingredients. See for example, Ladie Elynor Fettiplace’s Receipt Books, which I think Amazon still have in stock.

      So, my use above is an archaic form of English.

      Reply
  2. Susan Sheppard Hedges Avatar
    Susan Sheppard Hedges

    Do you actually cook and eat reindeer? I would think with all the flying they do, the meat would be stringy and tough! 🙂 Seriously, though, can you buy deer at the butcher’s or do you have a friend who hunts?

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Yes, reindeer steaks for Christmas meal. Very seasonal. Delicious too.

      Any hunters around here would have to go quite a long way to bag a reindeer on the hills. (Finland?)

      These came from my local supermarket, Lidl who, being a German company often have things that others couldn’t or wouldn’t sell. (Snow chains this week!)

      Reply
      1. Susan Sheppard Hedges Avatar
        Susan Sheppard Hedges

        We have reindeer in the Northern climbs of our continent, Canada and Alaska. They are mostly called Caribou here. People do hunt regular sorts of deer in the US. My mother in her later years, had a neighbor that would bring her a prepared haunch sometimes. She said it was ‘gamey, but not bad’ which one could only expect of wild animals. I love the fact that your supermarket sells snow chains. It’s always nice to have a supplier for the emergencies.

        Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • Sermon for Dedication Sunday 2014

    26 October 2014 – Dedication Sunday from Kelvin Holdsworth on Vimeo. You have come to something that cannot be touched – in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen I suppose I should give the full verse of the text that I want to preach on this…

  • La Cenerentola – Scottish Opera – Review

    This review first appeared at Opera Britannia. Rating: A couple of top-notch singers rescue Scottish Opera’s new production of La Cenerentola from the doldrums but sadly it is a production that lacks a sense of direction and purpose from the word go. Uncertainty in the pit and a very mixed bag of voices contribute to…

  • Sermon preached on 12 October 2014

    20141012 kelvin holdsworth – gnashing of teeth.movie from Kelvin Holdsworth on Vimeo. ‘Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are called, but few are chosen In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy…