What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City – February 2020

    On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

    In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

    Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

    Drunk Young Man #2:     Yes! Someone neutral.

    They turn to me.

    DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

    Self: I think it is real.

    DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

    DYM#1:     Aye very responsible. What are you man?

    I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

    DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

    I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

    DYM#2: I knew it.

    DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

    I shake my head.

    We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

8 responses to “How to Cook Moose”

  1. Jaye Richards-Hill Avatar
    Jaye Richards-Hill

    And this is all in Maryhill? There will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth in Newton Mearns and Giffnock when the news gets out..

    Reply
  2. Zebadee Avatar
    Zebadee

    At our local Lidl we also have quail as well as the other items you mention

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Quail here too. Quail eggs from Waitrose though, not yet Lidl.

      Reply
  3. Kimberly Avatar
    Kimberly

    West Enders eat moose. South Siders eat Wholefoods. I know where I’d rather be.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      I’m not at all sure that any shop selling a few nuts and bits and bobs of fresh veg on either side of the river can be as impressive as Moose in Maryhill.

      Reply
  4. Zebadee Avatar
    Zebadee

    Does the Maryhill Lidl also offer Canadian Lobster? Not that I am bragging but the needy of the Rubarb Triangle need some joy in their lives and our Lidl is meeting this need

    Reply
  5. Kelvin Avatar
    Kelvin

    Yes, lobster is on offer in Maryhill.

    I choose not to crow about lobster for it comes from the sea and consequently should not be eaten.

    Reply
    1. Margaret of the Sea of Galilee Avatar
      Margaret of the Sea of Galilee

      The kashrut/OT problem is the lack of fins and scales, not the sea per se.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • Sermon for Dedication Sunday 2014

    26 October 2014 – Dedication Sunday from Kelvin Holdsworth on Vimeo. You have come to something that cannot be touched – in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen I suppose I should give the full verse of the text that I want to preach on this…

  • La Cenerentola – Scottish Opera – Review

    This review first appeared at Opera Britannia. Rating: A couple of top-notch singers rescue Scottish Opera’s new production of La Cenerentola from the doldrums but sadly it is a production that lacks a sense of direction and purpose from the word go. Uncertainty in the pit and a very mixed bag of voices contribute to…

  • Sermon preached on 12 October 2014

    20141012 kelvin holdsworth – gnashing of teeth.movie from Kelvin Holdsworth on Vimeo. ‘Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are called, but few are chosen In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy…