What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

7 responses to “The Antisemitism Notice”

  1. Gordon Avatar
    Gordon

    Helpful, thank you

    What is the concern with the reproaches? I’m not familiar with them

    Reply
    1. Kelvin Avatar
      Kelvin

      They can be interpreted as being directed at us the listeners. But they can also be interpreted as speaking to Jewish people as all the imagery is from the Hebrew Scriptures and doesn’t reference the experience of those who actually were around Jesus during his life on earth.

      For example:
      “I led you out of Egypt, having drowned Pharaoh in the Red Sea:
      and you have delivered me to the chief priests.”

      Who is being addressed here?

      Reply
      1. Nick Drew Avatar
        Nick Drew

        That’s interesting, because whenever I have sung the Reproaches I have always felt them as being expressions of personal repentance rather than accusations thrown at the listener.

        Reply
  2. Rosemary Hannah Avatar
    Rosemary Hannah

    I must admit I had always read the Reproaches as directed to the listener. That the Egypt from which we are delivered is the Egypt of the modern world, the slavery of ghastly jobs (I’ve had a few, in fact a lot) and the oppression of terrible political systems. But I come from a totally different thought world to that of most people today, and I absolutely see they wouldn’t commonly be read that way.
    But I think it would benefit everyone to find a way of expressing BOTH what faith can offer in terms of freedom AND the mess we do make of the world, and sitting with that tension.
    And I think the church as a whole urgently needs to find a compelling and deep reaching way of doing both.

    Reply
    1. Kelvin Avatar
      Kelvin

      You might be interested that we’re looking at Isaiah 59 as a helpful text for this year, given the current ways of the world.

      Reply
    2. Christine McIntosh Avatar
      Christine McIntosh

      I’m of much the same mind. (A mind that is still blown away when I hear them sung)

      Reply
  3. Dan Floyd Avatar
    Dan Floyd

    Thank you

    Reply

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