What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

11 responses to “Evensong (with Dragons)”

  1. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    I always remember being told that the final “smoke” in the Stainer is meant to be the loudest note in Anglican choral music. I have no idea how that can possibly be qualified, and of course there are so many variables, but I still like to believe it’s true.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Thanks Duncan – http://www.kjv-only.com/unicorn.html has a list of them for those interested.

      Cal – was thinking about you just the other day. I bet you’d know how to do deploy glitter canons for Corpus Christi.

      Reply
  2. duncan Avatar
    duncan

    I love the fact that the unicorn appears in the KJV bible about ten times. Who said scripture doesn’t contain mythic elements!

    Reply
  3. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    Fluttter ‘fetti has long been overlooked in the liturgy, I feel. I suspect you’d have to bribe your servers to sweep it up though – least favourite job.

    Reply
  4. Martin Ritchie Avatar
    Martin Ritchie

    The loudness of “smoke” probably depends on the choir singing it! I bet St Mary’s give it a good thump! 😉

    On the subject of dragons…….we have some stylised ones hidden away in our Daniel Cottier stained glass at Pilrig St Paul’s in Edinburgh. I didn’t notice them for over three years despite having spent ages taking photographs of the windows. Cunningly hidden as I’m sure all dragons are!

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      The smoke was certainly wonderfully loud last night.

      I see that Freda has new dragons, though they don’t seem particularly well hidden.

      Cal – I hope very much that the skills that you are currently building up are at some time and in some place offered unto the Lord in the facilitation of the most holy, most glorious and most magnificent liturgy.

      [Lesson learned from typing this comment – do not muddle up dragons and dragoons]

      Reply
  5. Brother David Avatar
    Brother David

    [May] the Holy and Blessed Trinity to protect us from religion that is dull or humorless.

    AMEN!

    Reply
  6. Rosemary Hannah Avatar
    Rosemary Hannah

    Now Kelvin, you must have read my story of St Michael, and you know, perfectly well, that actually the great archangel is dragon-formed. THe horrid prodder with the lance is actually Lucifer.

    Reply
  7. ryan Avatar
    ryan

    Sounds fabulous. Impressed that you weren’t tempted to rename it EvenDrag!

    Reply
  8. Agatha Avatar
    Agatha

    What if your Dyson isn’t in D? Mine is probably more A below middle C.

    I also like the idea of you all singing (a la The Clash) “I saw the Lord and the Lord won”.

    Reply
  9. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    @Cal – I heard that too, but got pooh-poohed when I remarked upon it. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
    @Martin – St Mary’s choir do not thump. Lean upon, emphasise, give weight to, but never thump. Nor, for the psalmody aficionados out there, do they gabble.

    Reply

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